[Dis]couraged

We talk a lot about encouragement and we should.

Because coming alongside and speaking courage to a heart that wants to give up and give in is one of the most beautiful things in the world.

It’s a big part of why I write-my daily prayer is that the words I send into space land just where God wants them to and that somewhere, somehow a heart is made stronger.

But life is full of discouragement.  

Sometimes it’s a phone call that brings news of a “no” when you were longing for “yes”.

Sometimes it’s finding out that there is more month than money.

Sometimes it’s a friend that doesn’t remember your birthday or anniversary or some other important date and you’re left with no one to celebrate that milestone.

Sometimes it’s the scale registering PLUS two pounds when you’ve been so, so careful to eat well and exercise all week long.

And sometimes it’s more serious than that-a diagnosis, a pink slip (do they do that anymore?), an argument with your child or spouse or parent.  

One of the things I’m learning in this Valley is that I am not immune to the myriad afflictions of life on Planet Earth.  I don’t get a pass just because I buried a child.  I have to trudge through the muck and mire of the everyday just like anyone else.

CryingWoman

And while my heart is much better at sorting the truly important from the barely mentionable, there are still many, many days when I feel sad and discouraged and it has nothing to do with Dominic’s not being here.  

This week I’ve battled increased and uncontrollable pain due to my RA.  I don’t know any other way to describe it except to say that if it keeps me from going outside and doing things, it’s at least an 8/10 on that stupid scale they use at the doctor’s office.

Some routine blood work showed a couple areas we need to watch.  Yippee!  More doctors’ appointments and more needle sticks.

I’m resigned to the fact that I cannot change any of this.  I’m not morose or without hope, but I will admit my heart is faltering just a bit.  

I preach truth to myself.  I know that in the end all will be made new and right and I won’t even care about the measly 70 or 80 years I spent down here.

think of eternity and live backwards from that

But sometimes I’m just plain tired. 

I’m tired of fighting against the barrage of everyday joy suckers.  

I confess.  I’m discouraged.  ❤

eeyore plain

 

 

Author: Melanie

I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.

10 thoughts on “[Dis]couraged”

  1. Your transparency is what makes your ministry to all of us who walk this path so encouraging. We all face these “dis” days and the fact that you don’t hide yours makes me stand a little stronger. Hurts my hurt that you are struggling with your health and I’m praying for a remission to come soon.

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    1. Thank you so much. Since writing this I’ve gotten some relief. I was diagnosed with RA 6 years before Dom ran ahead to Heaven and have learned that there are good days and bad days. My tendency is to overdo on the good ones which nearly always guarantees a bad one is coming 🙂 I really, really appreciate your encouragement. It helps my heart. ❤

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  2. Sending ❤ & hugs. Your words surely find their way, where needed so much, my broken heart finds encouragement in your words. I pray God lifts you and gives you his healing strength. 🙏

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  3. Sending love and prayers from CA. May you get under that 8/10 and be able to go outside. Even in your physical and heart pain, your words minister to me. Hope (in the truth) does not and will not disappoint💛💙

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  4. Oh yes. I can relate so much. I think we’ve discussed this before. The physical pain brings on some extra sorrow too. Sending you some love and hugs.

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  5. Thank you for being so open and sharing from your heart. All I can say is I am in the trenches with you. I am feeling the same way these last few days. I just keep thinking, I lost a child!! I should be immune from everything else. It really should go that way. I know enough from your other posts that you know in your head that things will get better but in your heart you just aren’t feeling it right now. Just know you are not alone. Sending you love.

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  6. Oh dear heart, how I wish these “extra” pains did not affect our lives but they do. It doesn’t seem fair does it after the pain we have suffered losing our child?
    I wish with all my heart that you feel better soon and you find a way to manage your pain.
    Send love and encouragement across the ocean xxx

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  7. Melanie, there’s such truth in your post. Battling against the everyday trials, regardless of their size, in addition to the challenge of facing the day without a piece of your heart can overtake you at times. May God’s peace wrap around you a little snugger and may His strength infiltrate everything you do on this day. Thank you for sharing your heart.

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  8. Melanie, I am so sorry you are dealing with more pain and are feeling discouraged. It hurts my heart to read that. Your words have brought me much courage to keep on keeping on during the past almost 4 years since our middle son passed away. Thank you for having the courage to share your journey. I’m praying for you right now. God bless and keep you and yours.

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  9. This is such an honest post, straight from the heart. So, many times we feel low and we do not express it. Mainly because of two reasons, one is we ourselves do mor accept it and other is this society wants us to suppress it. But, wearing green glass always does not solve the trouble. And though you have concluded your post feeling discouraged but I do want to applaud on your courage to stand face to face with reality and accepting it, sharing it the way it is. And I liked your quote on counting backwards and how this time will appear insignificant to us later.

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