When Help Doesn’t Look Like I Thought it Should (or Hoped it Would)

I suspect I’m not alone in growing up with stories of a handsome prince coming to the rescue on his white charger.

If you hear the tales often enough they burn an image in your mind of exactly what help should look like-brave, bold and unmistakably obvious.


Trouble is, real life rarely plays out that way.

Oftentimes help doesn’t look like I think it should or even like I hoped it would.

Sometimes, in fact, it’s pretty much opposite of what I had in mind.

And that means that if I’m set on preconceived notions, I might just miss out on precisely the aid my heart is hoping for.  In my prideful arrogance I can overlook the hand that’s reaching out for mine.

This past November, my youngest son thought of a wonderful way to spare my joints while I did the chores around here.  I spend a good part of each day walking, toting buckets (and other assorted stuff) and tending to our animals and our property.  While the walking is great for my health and my bones, the carrying isn’t.  So he suggested I think about getting a golf cart to make things easier.

Can I just be honest here?

My idea of someone who used a golf cart to go a mere half mile or so was that they were L-A-Z-Y.  (No offense to any readers or friends who use one. ❤)

melanie feet crocs and driveway step

I was NOT going to be THAT person.  I was going to carry my big behind and feed buckets up and down the driveway unassisted.  I needed the exercise and, after all, I was plainly capable of doing it.

But after talking it over, and after my husband generously agreed to purchase one, I gave in.

golf cart and roses

I absolutely, positively LOVE it!

It makes all the difference in the world to my hands, ankles, hips and wrists.  I still get plenty of exercise but I’m no longer wearing out my joints doing daily tasks.  I didn’t realize how carrying buckets, wood, limbs and other random things for a distance was impacting the swelling and pain I experienced on a daily basis.

And it made me think of how many times I may be missing out on precisely the help God is sending me because I don’t like the package it comes in or my pride is preventing me from accepting it.

Since Dominic ran ahead to Heaven I have needed so. much. more. help.  

Things that used to be easy are hard and things that used to be hard are harder.  

Sometimes that help has come from people I least expected to offer it.  Sometimes that help has come from people I (frankly) didn’t want to be beholden to.

Sometimes I’ve waved off the very help I need because my pride has reared its ugly head and won the battle for my heart.

What foolishness!  

So I’m going to try to finally let the lesson sink in.  

Every morning as I hop in my cart and go, I remind my heart that pride is folly and proffered help should be received as the gift it is-whatever it looks like,  ❤

melanie in golf cart sunny

Author: Melanie

I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.

9 thoughts on “When Help Doesn’t Look Like I Thought it Should (or Hoped it Would)”

  1. It seems that our physical health has been seriously impacted upon with the loss of our children. I’m sure most people would never consider such a notion but it seems definitely to be the case with most parents affected by child loss 💔

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Since losing Travis my fibromyalgia is so much worse. Good days are ones that I get through with manageable pain. Bad days are so much worse. I get frustrated when I can’t do the things that I used to. Even daily chores can cause so much pain. I think it was very sweet of your son and husband to get you that cart. Your son was thinking of you, trying to think of a way to make your chores easier.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You are so right! I really appreciate it and it has made a big difference in my quality of life. My health problems really ramped up since Dom left too. Praying the Lord touches your body and brings some blessed relief. ❤️


  3. As I am getting older and like you have on going health problems, I find my pride often gets in the way. I struggled for months before admitting…I can’t open the pickle jar. How sad is that? 😁 I was going without pickles rather than admit that the arthritis had gotten very much worse.
    As you say it’s the same with admitting we need God’s help x
    The golf buggie looks grand snd it a brilliant idea x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I know you didn’t mean to but your comment made me laugh! I could write a book of the things I do without rather than ask for help. So silly. But true. I have an amazing jar opener with grips Dominic actually bought me years ago. It’s the only reason I can still have pickles. 😊❤️


      1. 😁😁 I’ m afraid I did mean to Melanie….I can’t go a day without my seeing the funny side of things. My sense of humour gets me into an awful lot of trouble but has got me by in the darkest of times…
        I developed a stutter when Luke died and had to laugh at the thought of how he would have made fun of me. It has become a bit of a thing the other two take great pleasure in recalling…do you remember when mum…
        Glad Dominic’s gift is still working well for you ❤ My daughter has shown me a great trick to open the jar…turn it on it’s side and tap it on the counter..works every time. xxx

        Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: