I don’t have to leave my house to “go” to work.
Most everything I have to do is on these 35 acres or within a mile of my home. And my routine is pretty much the same seven days a week.
So Mondays aren’t really all that big a deal. But rainy days? Well, those make EVERYTHING more challenging.
It’s been one heck of week here. Heavy rain for at least an hour or more each day means that it’s so soggy I can barely tell the difference between the mud and the manure (and that’s an important distinction to make around here!).
My driveway is a river. I haven’t had to fill water troughs for days because it rains as much as the horses, donkeys and goats drink.
Gray days infect my soul with a kind of weariness that’s hard to express.
I’m always just a breath or two away from overwhelming sadness, and when there is day after day after day of rain and clouds and mud and muck it often overtakes me.
I try so hard to buck up and ignore it. But I’m not always successful.
Mornings are good. If I sleep well the night before, I can get going and momentum carries me through until a little after lunchtime. Somewhere between three and four in the afternoon, I usually lose the battle.
Willpower just isn’t enough to overcome the sense of “what’s the use” that nips at my heels like a terrier chasing a squirrel.
So I usually give in. Sometimes I even go on to bed.
I feel like a failure.
I used to be able to work hard for a good 18 hours out of every 24.
Not anymore.
Especially on rainy days…
Share this:
thelifeididntchoose 
Thank you writing this. It’s beautiful.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh how I can relate. I work in an office and am the same. Mornings I can get going and am productive, but by 3 or 4 I am done. We here in the Dallas area have had an enormous amount of rainy, dreary days here as well. I know that my mood is effected by not having as much sunlight as usual, but it still causes me not to want to get out of bed. I WORK to not be gloomy all the time around others but on the weeks that there is no sun, I sometimes fall to the darkness of my sadness. Hugs to you my friend in grief!
LikeLike
Oh yes. Not really rainy days here in the desert southwest but sand storms. Now I suffer from infections. And not to mention, you don’t want your new wheels to get stuck in the muck. Hugs.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think I pushed the limit once or twice. But so far, not stuck! 😊
LikeLiked by 1 person
Mine are snowy days. Icy roads. And days without sun in general.
Noah died after an ice storm left the back (untreated) roads in poor condition.
I need spring to come, but pray that God will use this time to grow me.
58 days today…
LikeLiked by 1 person
I lived in Pennsylvania for a few years so I know about those days too. Joining you in asking the Lord to touch your heart right now and give you what you need for each day. ❤️
LikeLike
Melanie, taking naps on a rainy day is a good thing. Self-care…good stuff. While you could power through days before Dominic left, your lens has changed, energy depletes you in different ways. Before the loss of our children we worked physically hard each day, now the mental exhaustion of our grieving interspersed with “trying” to hold the rest of our lives is monumental every day. We deserve a nap, especially on a rainy day. Peace ✌️
LikeLiked by 1 person
You are absolutely right! I’m trying to give myself permission to do just that. Thank you. ❤
LikeLike
I understand!!!!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
❤
LikeLike
By heck (good old Yorkshire saying) how your post resonates….3pm -4pm some days earlier, nana nap sometimes essential. X
LikeLiked by 1 person
You make me laugh Carol. ❤ That's a gift and a good thing. I'm glad I'm not alone.
LikeLiked by 1 person