When I started writing in this space over ten years ago, I never expected any but a few close friends and family to read my ramblings.
It was a complete surprise to realize my words struck a chord with a wider audience.
My corner of the Internet is still very small compared to today’s mega-influencer types, but it is near and dear to my heart and I want to give you an update on how life is going, where I feel the Lord is leading me and what I hope to do in the next few months.
As most of you know, my father suffered a significant stroke in mid-September, 2025. And as all my bereaved parent friends are aware, ANY new stressor is magnified by the grief we continue to carry regardless of how long it’s been since our child went to Heaven.
I was completely consumed with his care until mid-December when I was able to break away and be with my son and his family to welcome the birth of their third child, a little girl named Holly.
Sadly, her earthly sojourn was short and on January 4, 2026-just two weeks after her birth-Jesus welcomed her to Heaven.
Our hearts were devastated and broken.
I had only a couple of days home before I returned to my father who had to have eye surgery that turned into a five week ordeal when in order to save his lower left eyelid, his left eye was sown shut for over a month. Vision in his right eye had been cut in half by the stroke and further impacted by a cataract.
It was a tough time.
I won’t give you a blow-by-blow of the days and weeks since then except to say this: I have spent only thirty percent of nights in my own bed for eight months. For a homebody, this is HUGE.
Lately I haven’t been thriving.
So I’m employing all my creative energy in trying to figure out how to remain engaged with ministry (which is my heart) and still meet the needs of my hurting and healing family.
Which brings me to this update.
I think the best way to use whatever moments I can steal from overwhelming obligations is to comb the archives of the blog and try to assemble some printed resources. People have encouraged me to do this for years but I’ve never been willing or able to focus on the project when it was so much more exciting to to keep writing, sharing and having retreats.
I hope to keep showing up here when I can and giving myself permission to skip days when I can’t.
I would like to learn more about creating video resources (both short and longer format) to make material more accessible to more people.
The heartacheandhope.org website needs updating. I want to have a drop down menu highlighting not only my own content but that of other excellent ministries and individuals who can help bereaved parents steward their grief well.
Someone recently asked me the “why” of what I do and I replied:
I don’t want any bereaved parent sitting in darkness to feel like darkness is all there is.
My candle is small but even the smallest candle in the black night of child loss is enough to help guide a heart to hope.
My candle IS small.
It’s light has definitely diminished of late.
But it’s still lit and I’m determined to keep it that way as long as I can.
thelifeididntchoose 