It’s a nearly universal human tendency to try to fit another’s experience into our own.
Even though I try hard not to, I still often find myself saying things like, “I know just how you feel” or, “This worked for me, it ought to work for you”.
Trouble is, grief is as individual as a fingerprint.
The life that was shared before loss, the circumstances surrounding the loss, family structure, support systems (or lack thereof!), age, social connections, faith, friends and fears all shape how a particular person experiences and processes loss.
- Some of us have safe people in our circle and can talk things out with them.
- Others need a professional counselor to work through specific trauma associated with loss.
- Still others are internal processors and require lots and lots of time alone.
- One heart finds comfort pouring over old photographs and watching old videos.
- The next can’t bear to look at any of it.
- Exercise strengthens him but drains her.
- Social situations paralyze some of us and help pull others out of our shell.
- Frequent graveside visits are a means of connection for one person and only a reminder of death to another.
The list could go on and on.
So I’ll say it again:
However you make it through this Valley is just fine. There’s no right way or wrong way to grieve.
As long as you are not harming yourself or others (physically or emotionally) then carry on, dear heart.