I wasn’t there when Dominic left the road but I’ve imagined it in detail hundreds of times since that night nearly five years ago.
I can’t help it.
I wonder what he thought, what he felt, whether he knew…
It’s not the only tape that plays over and over in my head.
Read the rest here: https://thelifeididntchoose.com/2019/01/17/feedback-loops-and-grief/
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Author: Melanie
I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.
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thelifeididntchoose 
This post takes me back to the year of 1999. We had lost a second child. The first was to a rare genetic disease. The second child was to RSV. In the months following I did a lot of traveling between Aberdeen and Jackson MS, about a three hour drive. I don’t know about everyone else but when I’m traveling there’s not a whole lot to do to distract your mind. I drove a many a mile trying to rewind time. Why why why didn’t I do things differently? Why didn’t I abandon my pride and ask family for help? I about about went crazy with beating myself up. Today, almost 21 years later I am a mom who has buried 4 children. It has been just over 5 years since my 22 year old son went home to Heaven. I find myself reliving everything. What could I have done differently? But I guess more than anything I question what is the purpose for all this? Is there a lesson I’m not learning? WHY WHY WHY Is God this displeased with me? What if I haven’t learned the lesson he’s trying to teach me and I lose still more children!
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