Out Of Sorts

I’ve tried. Honest.

I brought my sewing machine downstairs (more natural light) on Monday. I looked through patterns online Tuesday and Wednesday. Thursday I even cut and pinned the pieces.

Still, I don’t think I’m going to sew that face mask.

Where to Buy Fabric Face Masks | POPSUGAR Fitness

It’s not complicated and I could do it. But I can’t force myself to concentrate on sewing straight seams, making neat corners, being careful to get the pleats right so it fits on my face.

I feel like there are so many things I have to get right, do right, plan for and organize that even though this might really be satisfying and would certainly be useful, I’m not motivated at all to do it.

I’m out of sorts.

Been that way for a few days.

It happens from time to time when I feel overwhelmed or underappreciated or both. It’s not pretty and I’m not making excuses for my bad attitude.

Just confessing.

Feeling Out of Sorts | 161 Days in Paradise

On the one hand I long for quiet, rest and maybe a luxurious soak in the tub along with a good book. On the other, I long for laughter, good conversation and maybe a surprise take out meal in the backyard at sundown.

There are literally dozens of things I COULD do. And at least ten or twelve I SHOULD do.

Yet here I sit.


Definitely not making that mask.

Grumpy Cat, the internet's most famous cat, dead at 7 - CNN

Author: Melanie

I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.

13 thoughts on “Out Of Sorts”

  1. God bless you momma, as we are on this Grief path. It’s hard to complete tasks when our child isn’t here to complete tasks. I know everything I do for the most part I’m thinking in the back of my mind, but Joseph can no longer do this & id rather not reach for obtaining goals because my son was denied these chances. Everybody grieves differently, thinks & responds to trauma differently. I just want you to know I’m thinking about you today. I hope your motivation improves even just for today. Love, Joseph’s mom

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I call it my heavy heart days, when I am feeling as you described. I am trying to take ownership of how I feel and do what is best for me. I d much rather have everyone else do it for me and get resentful when they don’t! Thank you for sharing.. it’s good to know this happens to all of us. Take care momma.


  3. It is just amazing how many times your posts are exactly what I am feeling. The grumpy cat is the perfect picture of how I have felt this week. Mothers Day was hard but my other son and daughter deserved a happy mom. It’s so very hard to know when these “moods” are coming and you have described it perfectly. Thank you!!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I have this trouble too! More so during shut down with hubby home. He sits does nothing so my head says well, if he isnt doing anything why should I. Bad attitude for sure. Today he is gone to property up north so I am motivated! Also he distracts when home. Come here, look at this. Bahhhhhhh

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Yes I keep feeling like this on and off, hence my not reading your posts daily and you getting comments all on one day.
    I laughed at your organising your face mask though as I went through almost the self same sequence. However, I have now made a number of them and have been using them regularly when going to do the weekly shop. I felt a bit silly to start with but where I live there seems to have been an increase in people using them. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Ohhh Melanie, you my friend are not alone. It’s unbelievable how little energy I have to share on any tasks at all except for the bare necessities.
    The only thing that really seems to help is acknowledging I need that take out meal or bath in Epsom salts to feel validated. Weird? Yes. Do I have answers? No.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. We lost our youngest son 4.8 yrs ago. I have really struggled with our sons passing. I have days where aI feel just like the cats looking. I have had a rough time and have been out of sorts myself many, many times. I also have struggled with severe depression, and had no motivation to do anything. Not me normally. I’ve always been the energizer bunny! Then this whole Covid 19 comes and yet another change in life. I do fine being home by myself. I have been married for 47 yrs and a military wife, mother, and now grandmother, teacher for almost 3 decades, a chaplain and a Woman’s counselor. Most of my life I was the one who kept the home fires burning, raised the kids, went to night school to get my teaching degree, made sure the bills were paid and work 3/4 time and then to full time, and made sure we were all in church at least 2 times every week. I could handle and accomplish much with no support. So being indecisive, filled with anxiety, depression , insomnia is crazy, crazy for me. My hubby hates to be home a lot. He was raised in a military family and had been around the world three times before we met. He’s also retired and struggles with chronic back pain. He has been so difficult during this quarrel time. I will be super glad when life goes back to the way it was before this virus. I have always been a positive person, looking at life like the glass is half full. Never expected any of this! Some days are really hard. I’m so glad To know I’m not the only one feeling “ out of sorts “. Thanks for sharing. Evans Momma, forever 32

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I thought, once again, that it was just me. I couldn’t put my finger on just what is wrong. I’m short tempered, easily annoyed and just want to be by myself. Then I realize, it’s May. My Patrick’s birthday and Mother’s Day all in the same week, I miss Patrick and my mom I want to be able to ask my mom how to survive the loss of your child (my oldest sister ran ahead of my mom) I already know part of what she would say , her faith was so very strong, she will tell me to get my rosary beads and pray. I sometimes wish that worked for me…

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Post Morher’s Day/ Pandemic caught up with me Thursday. Just needed space & time to reflect about my son, Connor and Mom. It’s all a lot to deal with. Always will be. ❤️

    Liked by 2 people

  10. I think the media’s use of a “new normal” to describe the pandemic is what angers me. Only those who have buried a loved one will experience the “new normal” that we live in. Life will return as we have known it once the health panic lessens but nothing will return my son …. that is what a “new normal “ is… living without until I join him in heaven.

    Liked by 2 people

  11. I got a new machine and went for it with the mask making. I made enough for me and my children and YES it was satisfying and useful. I totally get where you are coming from I feel like that about meal planning I really need motivation for that. Now that we have the masks I am thinking of sewing new clothes and I have a renewed spark for something I probably would never have tried pre-lockdown x

    Liked by 1 person

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