I thought I had at least a passing understanding of what grief is, what it feels like, how it impacts a heart before my son died.
But I was wrong.
Until you live with it day in and day out for weeks, months, years you really just. don’t. know.
There are so many feelings wrapped up in what we call grief. So many surprises along this path.
Who knew that the same heart that would do nearly ANYTHING to spare another parent the awful burden of child loss could also be wildly jealous of that same parent’s intact family?
Read the rest here: Jealousy-Reaching For What I Can’t Have
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thelifeididntchoose 
I just really want to thank you for your posts. Six months ago our son Timo took his own life, he was 34. And like you write, everything has changed. It isn’t even always the sadness or missing him, it involves all our feelings and of course our whole life. We are Dutch missionaries in Spain and our son’s death has made me doubt so much… So, I am extra thankful for your honesty and authenticity, quite often something I have just thought or felt is mentioned by you in your post. Especially the weeks before Easter and Easter itself I enjoyed what you wrote and it helped me so much.
One question I have is if you have ever written about a pet dying and how that triggered you or your surviving children. Our golden retriever of 15 years had to be put down last week and apart from it being our son’s dog in many ways, it also caused a lot of flashbacks as we talked about his funeral or cremation etc.
Many blessings!
Mija Regoord
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