We live in a world where rankings rule.
The FitBit craze, while a boon to healthy living, is also a testament to our competitive nature.
You would think that in the pit of despair, the need to be “more than” or “better than” would disappear. But that’s not the case.
I continue to judge myself in comparison to others.
I find it difficult to give up the inner tape measure that marks progress or regress in this grief journey.
When I’m having a bad day, I feel like a failure. I feel guilty for not taking firmer hold of the promises of God in Christ. I question my commitment to the truth and I wrestle with unbelief.
When I’m having a relatively good day, I congratulate myself on the distance travelled, the hurdles overcome and the positive progress toward pushing grief to the background of daily life.
This is unhelpful. And it rests in a root of pride.
I am not in control. My struggle to rate my “progress” in grief recovery is an attempt to exert my will over things I cannot subdue in my own power. And if I feel successful, then the glory goes to ME.
When I choose to practice spiritual disciplines like prayer and fasting, I am placing myself in a position to hear from God and to be receptive to His will in my life. Likewise, when I choose to lean into the support of others and focus on truth revealed in Scripture, I encourage the healing process.
But if my restoration rests on my efforts, I’m doomed. I do not have the power or authority to redeem my pain.
I cannot save myself.
I need a Savior.
The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin [by which it brings death] is the law; but thanks be to God, who gives us the victory [as conquerors] through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my beloved brothers and sisters, be steadfast, immovable, always excelling in the work of the Lord [always doing your best and doing more than is needed], being continually aware that your labor [even to the point of exhaustion] in the Lord is not futile nor wasted [it is never without purpose].
I Corinthians 15:56-58 AMP