“Follow Me,” Jesus said to the twelve.
“Follow Me,” Jesus said to me when I was just a child.
“Yes,” I replied-not knowing or counting the cost.
If it was a single commitment without opportunity for turning back then it would be easy.
But it’s not.
Every day I have to face the question, “Did God REALLY say?” Boy that serpent knew just where to aim the spear of doubt so it would cause the greatest damage.
Can I believe that God is in control? Can I believe that He is good? Can I believe that He loves me?
Can I believe all those things when my circumstances scream, “NO!”
But I HAVE to believe.
Because if I can’t trust God, then I am without hope. If I can’t rely on His Word then there’s no foundation and no future. If He is not Who He says He is, then I should just quit now.
So I find myself at the foot of the cross, again. Facing my fears and having to choose: Who shall I serve?
Surrender is hard. Daily surrender is harder.
I cannot remake my heart. I cannot breathe life into my own breathless soul.
I can only place myself on the altar and allow God’s Spirit to do it for me.
So here I am.
Again.
Brothers and sisters, God has shown you his mercy. So I am asking you to offer up your bodies to him while you are still alive. Your bodies are a holy sacrifice that is pleasing to God. When you offer your bodies to God, you are worshiping him in the right way.
Romans 12: 1 NIRV
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thelifeididntchoose 
Yes this is the place I have come to. As the title of your blog suggests, I did not choose the life I am now living. I hate the fact that Kari is gone and I won’t see her until Heaven. Continuing on without her is horrendously HARD and I don’t really want to. BUT …. I can do HARD. Really I have to choose to do hard, because that is what is laid before me – and so many others. So whenever I feel like just giving up, I remind myself that I CAN do hard things.
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We living sacrifices tend to get off the altar. 😏 I love this whole post but identify so much with this…
“But I HAVE to believe.
Because if I can’t trust God, then I am without hope. If I can’t rely on His Word then there’s no foundation and no future. If He is not Who He says He is, then I should just quit now.”
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That’s really the only two options available-sitting on the fence doesn’t even make sense.
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