The sun streams just so
and turns my head
I’ve learned not to look too long at that wall
But today
Well today I am face to face with HIS face
I didn’t mean to linger
but I did
No remedy but to let the grief wash over me
allow the tears to fall and the hurt to run its course
How can I push this down so well most days
How is it possible to NOT feel this all the time
Am I a monster that my heart can pretend it hasn’t been torn in two????
Not a monster just a mom–
A mom with children left to love
Ones left to hold, to encourage, to champion as they keep on keeping on
shadow and sunlight
hope and despair
not either/or
both/and
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thelifeididntchoose 
Busy with work, I’ve been behind on reading your posts that have become so important to my grief journey. Finally with a day off, I passed by my son’s picture, paused to turn a candle on, & felt the tears fall. Missing my Ryan so much- & it’s not yet been 3 years without him- I decided to sit down to read your posts. You say it all, Melanie- you say it all.
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I’m so sorry you understand that pain! Sometimes we just need to take a break and let the grief wash over us. I find that when I do, I can gather my courage and walk on-always with a limp-but walking still. Praying today the Lord overwhelms you with His love, grace and mercy. ❤
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Just something in Dom’s expression in this picture made me muse a little sadly, ‘Greg (my son) and Dom probably would have liked each other.’ And then it struck me, they still have the opportunity to like each other! We will have all eternity to meet and know so many amazing people. My heart felt lighter. Shadow and Light at the same time.
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What a precious and helpful thought, Elaine! Thank you for sharing it with me. That’s a fact-we are created for eternity from the start and we will have eternity to know and love one another in the Presence of the One Who made us and loves us. May He continue to give you strength for each new day. Blessings, dear one.
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I hear you Melanie. I hear you.❤🙏🏼❤
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