Some days there are just no words for this journey.
Sometimes I can only feel what I feel
and do what I do
and cry when I cry.
Today is like that.
I cannot wrap my mind around the FACT that my son is dead.
Am I somehow defective because I can’t?
Can any parent do that?
I know it’s true-I’m not in denial.
But knowing something is true and embracing it as true are two different things. I am forced to walk in the world but not always forced to confront Dominic’s absence.
He could just be on a trip, or away at school, or out of cell phone range. It’s funny the tricks your mind will play to placate your heart.
But this morning when the light pushed back against the darkness my mind refused to continue the charade.
In a moment of clarity, the sword of truth penetrated my soul.
And here I am, naked and bleeding clinging to the fact that I am mother to a dead son.
Nowhere to hide. No way to escape.