This popped up in my Facebook memories today:
That face!
What I wouldn’t give to see it again, to feel his beard against my cheek when I hugged his neck, hear him laugh, know he was only a phone call away!
I’ve learned to carry the sorrow because I know it will be redeemed.
But the missing?
The missing never fades.
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Author: Melanie
I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.
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thelifeididntchoose 
I still have a problem with photos…it’s been 2.5 years for me…love that face but I can’t see it on a daily basis. Isn’t grief so hard? I have been asked to give my testimony at a ladies retreat in October…I need to tell my story …but this is the most tender spot in my life…in struggling here…
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Have not made it through the first year yet. Don’t want to forget anything and yet I am struggling to remember without falling apart.
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I was just wondering about this earlier today about the “missing”…. my Jacob died 5 1/2 years ago and in my grief support group I have now become the “experienced” griever (The one with the most time under their belt). The issue is I really need to hear from those who have walked this path of child loss longer then me. I feel that I will always miss Jacob and live in a flux of bittersweet moments. I have joy…. enjoy living … but their is always that “but”. I don’t want to be a discouragement to other bereaved parents by always being so real with my grief and am now feeling that I should just keep my thoughts to myself.
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I”m behind you (3 years) so maybe I can quell your misgivings (at least a little). One of the things I found very frustrating at first on this journey was all the reasources from a “been there, done that” perspective that seemed to indicate the awful pain I was feeling was utterly temporary. It was offputting and unhelpful. What I needed to hear and wanted to know was how I was going to be able to carry this pain that I could tell was going nowhere for the rest of my life.
The pain is NOT the same now as it was-mostly I believe because the shock of it has become something I am familiar with, and my body and mind and heart have wrapped scar tissue around the wound. But the missing-it is exactly as it was. I will never stop missing him until we are together again.
I think you are doing the others a favor by being honest. When we pretend, we set them up for feeling isolated, different, odd, abnormal. That isn’t helpful at all.
I am so very sorry for your pain and your loss. I also have joy, “but”…
May the Lord give you strength. ❤
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Photos are the double edged sword. The initial feeling of joy to see “that face” is often still followed by tears. Such a difficult journey we walk♡ God bless you.
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