But I Had All That BEFORE!

I absolutely understand that when people say things like, “Just think of all the wonderful memories you have” or “He brought you so much joy” they mean well.

Because it’s true-I have beautiful memories of Dominic.  And he DID bring me great joy.

But I had those things BEFORE he was beyond my reach.

Childhood memories, photographs, mementoes from school and athletic teams-they were already displayed on the walls and shelves of my home.

But there were things I had then that I don’t have now:

  • his physical presence;
  • his laughter ringing down the hallway;
  • his text messages telling his absent-minded mama that there were storms headed her way;
  • his level-headed relationship advice;
  • and his tech-savvy, “I can fix it” help when I crashed my computer or other electronic device.

I don’t have a hundred different uniquely Dominic parts of my life anymore.

And I miss every one of them.  

missing from me

 

 

 

 

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Author: Melanie

I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.

8 thoughts on “But I Had All That BEFORE!”

  1. Losing a child no matter the age is difficult and different from every family. No one that hasn’t lost a child will ever understand. Even the next of kin.. such as grandparents of the child or aunts and uncles. They do try their best to help but there are very few words that can be said. I try to keep an opened mind remembering that it all comes from love. It is very easy to think negative or have a negative reaction knowing that they will never know unless (God forbid) they ever go through the same thing. Life has gone down hill for us. Feeling that if our Noah would still be here, that everything would be okay.
    Baby Noah Dad
    #smilelikebabynoah

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  2. I read a comment on your FB group post from someone who said that we can choose to pull ourselves out of deep grief. Recently, a “friend”, supposedly concerned about my health issues, asked me if I could just grieve a little less for my daughter. That would be a choice, too. I don’t make conscious choices because I feel that is impossible and a useless effort. I do, however, grow stronger each second until the grief takes me under. On the other hand, I do choose to struggle back to the top and swim for all I’m worth as soon as I am able to at least dog paddle. Maybe that’s a choice – not to drown? IDK. I’m almost at the end of my sixth trip around the sun. Maybe the next year I’ll be able to grasp what these people meant? Peace, Levi’s Mom

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  3. Is it alright to repost the pictures that you use,on Facebook. Sometimes they say exactly what I feel. Yesterday you had one that said “how are you”. I had tried to explain that to someone the day or two before but couldn’t get it just right. The picture was perfect, so I put it on Facebook. Then I got to thinking maybe I wasn’t supposed to.
    Jesselyn’s mom forever 28.

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