Transforming Pain

I have had my share of pain in life-physical, emotional and psychological. 

Some of it I’ve brought on myself and some of it has been thrust upon me.  

None of it was pleasant.

But by far the most excruciating pain I have endured is the death of my son.  If someone could have induced this pain for five minutes as a preview before Dominic ran ahead to heaven, I would have sworn I couldn’t have withstood it for five minutes more.

Yet here I am not just minutes or months but years later.  Still standing.

How?  By the grace of God and by choosing to transform that pain into something besides just pain.

I cannot ignore the pain.  It has changed me. But I won’t let it dominate me. 

Instead I let is goad me into being a better me than I might have been if my heart were whole and unbroken.

I am gentler, more eager to listen to hurting hearts. 

I am less likely to judge others and more likely to lend a helping hand.  I am committed to walk gently through this life and to cause as little harm as possible and bring as much joy as is mine to give.

I definitely walk with a limp. 

But I won’t let it stop me from walking. 

Author: Melanie

I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.

10 thoughts on “Transforming Pain”

  1. I understand your beautiful message completely because that is exactly how I am now. I have undergone several surgeries in my life, the last one, 2 years ago, was an involved thoracic-lumbar-sacral fusions with extra complications. My spine had slowly disintegrated they said, for lack of a better word. The doctor said I would start feeling better in a year. 4 months post-op, my daughter , age 23, shot herself in our house, upstairs, while I waited downstairs with the 2 dogs. We were supposed to go take a short walk, my first time outside in months. My body doesn’t feel the same ever since. My brain still feels scrambled and I can’t hold a decent adult conversation! Words can’t come to me like they did before! There is no medicine for our pain. I feel like nothing can beat me down any worse and I’m not afraid of much. The only relief is either blocking her out of my mind. Or not think about her at all. Or sleep. I am exhausted from typing this and I feel like I am whining. Yuck! I just attended a 3- day Suicide Conference and I guess it knocked me on my ass with the reality of my life now. It was a fabulous conference but it hit a nerve, of course. Love to all of you that are my sisters in pain.
    Melanie, you are the sweetest woman to reply to us all, while holding up for others. I am sorry about Dominic. Thoughts and prayers for you to keep on being inspired for us!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am so very sorry for your pain and your loss. Suvivng suicide is really, really tough. Thank you for sharing how the blog helps your heart. I’m glad you went to the conference. My experience is that it takes many months to actuallly absorb what I get out of something like that. I pray that the Lord will continue to give you strength for each new day. ❤


  2. Thanks Melanie. As I “limp” to my computer to respond to your excellent post, I am turning one paragraph into a prayer for me, because I have a long way to go…
    Father, help me to be gentler, more eager to listen to hurting hearts. Help me to not judge others and be more likely to lend a helping hand as opposed to avoiding those in my path. I need you, Lord, to help me to walk gently through this life and to cause as little harm as possible and bring as much joy as is mine to give. When I have no joy, only heartache, I know you sit with me and love me and wait with me in my sadness.

    Thank you, Melanie!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. You have Lord’s shoulders to lean on. Plus you have us to lean on when it’s to difficult walk. We’ll share our suffering and together we will have strength.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Thank you Melanie for sharing your heart on this blog. You speak truth and your words bring encouragement and comfort. I lost my 28 yr old daughter Vanessa January 29th 2017. She struggled for years with mental illness and addiction. Her last few months she was happy, loving life and making plans for a future with her fiance and his son. I know,she loved the Lord and she knew she belonged to Him. That brings me comfort and I know I will see her again. For now I will wait. God bless you and thank you for sharing your journey.
    Sally Horn

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Sally, I am so very sorry for your pain. What a comfort to know that your daughter is in the arms of Jesus. Although it makes the sorrow bearable, it does not erase the burden of carrying it in this life. Thank you for sharing how the blog helps your heart-it’s a way to redeem this pain and a way to honor Dom.

      May the Father wrap His loving arms around you and give you strength and may He overwhelm your heart with His grace and mercy. ❤


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