Disappearing in the Distance

It’s absolutely normal that the space Dominic once occupied in the hearts and minds of his peers gets smaller over time.

He was only a part of their lives-lives blooming and bursting in the spring of their years. 

They are moving and marrying and having children and building careers.  If he were still living it may very well be they would have lost touch by now anyway.

I know all this and yet it still hurts.

Why do I find it unsettling that he is becoming just a distant memory?

With every passing month the bits of him scattered in the hearts and minds of friends and family fade just a little more.

The vibrant hue of who he was is fainter.  

dominic at Robbies wedding funnyHis light dims and is harder to see in the darkness.

I can’t possibly hope to hold all the memories myself.  

I can’t preserve them forever by myself.  

I depend on others who knew him to be memory boxes too.dominic at gray haven

 

 

 

 

Author: Melanie

I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.

9 thoughts on “Disappearing in the Distance”

  1. I think this is one of the things that hurts the most. Being a single mom and my daughters dad never really being a part of her life and completely distant in her death I feel so all alone at times. It helps me so much to read your posts every day. Just passed the 3 year mark and I just long to talk about her and keep her memory alive. Thank you for helping me along this life long journey.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Love all of your posts Melanie but this one really hit home today. Feb 8th will make 15 months that my 33 year old son Steve decided he could not live with his mental anguish any longer and left this world behind. Not sure what I expected from family and friends, thought there would be more posts on his Facebook page of them missing him or memories that would pop up. Family and friends that would share their memories of him with me often. The world moves on and us Mothers grieve ourselves. Thank you for your writings……it is as if I could have written it myself. God Bless You on this journey that none of us want to be on.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Thank you for sharing Melanie.
    I dread this very thing, Brooke drifting off in the distance. Others forgetting about the precious life of our daughter. The nagging feeling of not wanting her life to be in vain.
    I completely relate to your feelings that maybe you only hold and carry Dominic’s memories as others go in with their lives with new and exciting events.
    I think to myself, “when will they remember and maybe understand what I went through dealing with the scary ups and downs of a teenager ? When THEIR children are teenagers?”
    I also still feel so numb. I look at pictures and touch her things trying to bring to the surface feelings.
    I fear that the feelings of a mother’s love, the proud feelings and protective feelings will disappear over time. It almost feels like it was another life time. I try to think back to when she was little. When she was a baby. All those years that passed. Evidence is everywhere that she was here and real but I can’t wrap my brain around that she is gone. GONE GONE. A talking, feeling person is gone. I don’t like it. I hate it in fact that a person can be born into your life and then be snatched away.
    Thank you again for sharing. I am sorry that we relate but it is also comforting that we have one another.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Everything you write touches my heart in one way or another. Today’s hit me harder than most. I couldn’t put my finger on it but as soon as I read how you felt I immediately knew that’s what I feared the most. Matt will be forgotten, the memories will fade and everyone’s life will go on. Except for mine. As I count down the days to Feb. 12 the balloon in my chest gets bigger and more painful everyday. I want to rip the month off the calendar and forget it ever happened.
    I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I want the pain to go away, but I’m terrified that the memories I fight to hold on to will also go, so I will continue to collect all I can find and keep his memory as fresh as I can for as long as I can.
    You have shared so much and your words have brought me great comfort.
    Thank you from the bottom of my ❤️

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Denise, I am so very sorry for your pain and your loss. I know that in the beginning I was as sure as you are that if I let go of the pain or it began to disappear on its own, I was in danger of losing what little I had left of Dominic. But I found the opposite to be true: as the pain became more manageable, and I developed the strength to carry the burden better and easier, it made room for MORE memories to surface. Things I hadn’t thought about in decades bubbled up. As mamas, I don’t believe for one minute that we will lose those.

      Praying that as you come up to February 12th you feel the Father’s loving arms around you, lifting you, giving you strength to endure. May He flood your hurting heart with His mercy and grace. You are not alone. You are loved. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

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