In case you are wondering, there appears to be no limit to the depth or number of struggles one may be required to endure this side of heaven.
Sure we’ve all read Job and give mental assent to overwhelming breadth of his loss.
But, really, how can our hearts even begin to comprehend it when devastation upon devastation is given within seven verses-everything he owned and everything he loved (except his wife) was stolen or destroyed.
It’s so easy to read it and not to FEEL it.
I’m here to tell you I know parents who have lost more than one child. Parents who have lost their only child. Parents who have lost a child and then lost their living children’s love and companionship because their family fell apart. I know bereaved parents who are homeless because they couldn’t keep a job after burying their child.
In addition, there are the everyday struggles we all have to deal with-bad bosses, financial troubles, health issues, frustrating interpersonal relationships.
Right now our family is facing the culmination of a situation that began before Dominic ran ahead to heaven. I’m not free to discuss it but it’s the kind of thing where you need legal advice.
And you want to know what’s harder than dragging my fanny through this nasty mess?
The salt it’s rubbing in the wound of my broken heart.
Because if Dominic were here, he’d be three years out of law school and ready to rock and roll. I’d have a personal hot line to all the legal counsel a body could stand. And if he didn’t know the answer, he would have access to the kinds of resources that could find it.
Instead we have to rely on strangers and hope that they have at least a smidgen of the commitment our own son would have were he able to represent our cause.
I hate so many things about this life.
I hate that the life I thought I would have-the life our whole family thought we would have-is not the one we are stuck with. One of the things I hate most is every moment when Dominic SHOULD be here and he’s not.
I miss my son.
Not only for the free legal advice, but because his presence lent courage to my heart.
Every hard thing is harder now.
And that is definitely salt in this wound.