Salt In The Wound

In case you are wondering, there appears to be no limit to the depth or number of struggles one may be required to endure this side of heaven.

Sure we’ve all read Job and give mental assent to overwhelming breadth of his loss. 

But, really, how can our hearts even begin to comprehend it when devastation upon devastation is given within seven verses-everything he owned and everything he loved (except his wife) was stolen or destroyed.

It’s so easy to read it and not to FEEL it.  

job and misery

I’m here to tell you I know parents who have lost more than one child.  Parents who have lost their only child.  Parents who have lost a child and then lost their living children’s love and companionship because their family fell apart.  I know bereaved parents who are homeless because they couldn’t keep a job after burying their child.

In addition, there are the everyday struggles we all have to deal with-bad bosses, financial troubles, health issues, frustrating interpersonal relationships.

Right now our family is facing the culmination of a situation that began before Dominic ran ahead to heaven.  I’m not free to discuss it but it’s the kind of thing where you need legal advice.

And you want to know what’s harder than dragging my fanny through this nasty mess?

The salt it’s rubbing in the wound of my broken heart.

Because if Dominic were here, he’d be three years out of law school and ready to rock and roll.  I’d have a personal hot line to all the legal counsel a body could stand.  And if he didn’t know the answer, he would have access to the kinds of resources that could find it.

dominic at tims wedding

Instead we have to rely on strangers and hope that they have at least a smidgen of the commitment our own son would have were he able to represent our cause.

I hate so many things about this life.

I hate that the life I thought I would have-the life our whole family thought we would have-is not the one we are stuck with.  One of the things I hate most is every moment when Dominic SHOULD be here and he’s not.

I miss my son.

Not only for the free legal advice, but because his presence lent courage to my heart.

Every hard thing is harder now.

And that is definitely salt in this wound.

sun up not here

 

 

 

Author: Melanie

I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.

17 thoughts on “Salt In The Wound”

  1. Pingback: When Life Gives You Lemons (Well, You Know the Rest) – thelifeididntchoose

  2. I am so sorry Melanie that you are having to endure such a hardship on top of everything else. I pray that God will send you His supernatural help, ease your anxiety, and that you may feel your precious Dominic by your side helping you through this. I am so grateful for you and all the help that you give so selflessly. You always put into words what I cannot.

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  5. Melaine my thoughts and prayers are with you…..yes hard does seem to be harder on this path we have no alternative but to tread.
    I hope your situation has a good outcome for you and your family and it doesn’t drag on for too much longer for you. May the Lord protect you from all anxiety xxx

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    1. Thank you so much! I hate how everything like this taps into a deep well of emotions now. I used to never get anxious, but now-well, it’s a whole other life. I especially appreciate the prayer against anxiety. ❤

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  6. Thank you for your honesty. I’m not a rainbow and butterflies person because I know that’s not real life, but I know God is faithful. My intellectual side knows that is that His faithfulness doesn’t always look like what I want it to, but my spiritual side knows it’s going to be okay. Such a tug of war sometimes.

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  8. Melanie- this post spoke to me. I thought I was alone with life continuing to have unthinkable challenges, even after the worst thing happened. My son Connor died 8 yrs ago after his balcony railing broe in NYC. Since then I have been diagnosed with Chronic Leukemia, my only daughter has had thyroid cancer, a platelet disorder & other health concern with my only grandchild, job issues, etc. It IS salt in the wound. Makes it harder to deal
    With loss. I foolishly thought the pain of my son’s death would insulate the rest of my life. I try to find the courage each day to see the beauty of life , be a mother to both my kids, & ride the surf of problems. I could never have imagined this in my “other life”.Really hoping there is peace & joy on the other side. Thanks for the honesty. It helped me today. I’m sorry you have such concerns. Xo

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    1. I’m utterly convinced there is peace and joy on the other side! If I wasn’t, I’d give up now. Thank you for encouraging my heart today. I pray that the Lord meets every need you have and continues to strengthen you for this journey. ❤

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  9. I’m so sorry, Melanie. I will keep you and all of yours in my prayers. I totally agree that everything is harder now. It also takes so much longer to do things and to remember things. Life is much more challenging that it was “before.”

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    1. Yes! So much more challenging. It takes energy just to meet the day, much less the day’s problems.. Thank you for praying-it means so very much to me. ❤

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