Grief is Not a Hammer in the Hand of God

I may risk offending some of my fellow believers in Jesus but I will take that risk.

While scripture is plain that God uses the events in our lives to help fashion our hearts, it is also equally plain that God does not act cruelly or spitefully or wantonly.

What Joseph’s brothers did to him was evil.  God redeemed it.

What the crowd did to Stephen, the first Christian martyr, was evil.  God redeemed it.

What Nero did to the early Christians was evil.  God redeemed it.

Death is the ultimate evil, the last enemy. But Jesus overcame it and God will redeem it.

Yes, “all things work together for good for those that love the Lord” but not all things are good.

My son’s death is not a test, a lesson, a trial nor a hammer in the hand of God sent to pound me into the shape He desires for me.

It is an evil that He can and is using for good.

It will one day be absolutely, totally and irrevocably redeemed.

I can’t wait.

grief is not a tool

Author: Melanie

I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.

23 thoughts on “Grief is Not a Hammer in the Hand of God”

    1. I don’t believe God is “using evil for good” the way humans do. Humans create evil, harm and intentionally inflict pain on others in the name of whatever “greater good” they convince themselves justifies their actions.

      God, on the other hand, allows humans free agency and sometimes because of my own poor choices (even evil ones) or the poor and/or wicked choices of others bad things happen. When that’s the case, God can and often does take the painful, difficult circumstances that result and weave them into something good and beautiful.

      I’ve written extensively about free will, the result of living in a world tainted by sin and how that comes together on a daily basis to guarantee this world will be full of sad things and pain.

      God will eventually redeem, restore and renew it all. In the meantime I put my hope and faith in Him.

      I certainly understand how someone else may come to a different conclusion. ❤


      1. Melanie, Just want you to know that you have helped me so much through the last three years. It will actually be 3 years the 29th of this month. After experiencing the shock of Wilson’s death, we were informed of the death of our first son January 7, 2020. His name was Alex. My sons were so different in looks and their personality. I have traveled the road of grief and am feeling some peace and cherish the thought that they are in heaven and someday we will reunite.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Yes! I have been told this! My comment was then why didn’t He take me so that my daughter, who was a mother of a 6 year old and an 11 year old, could be the one He would fine tune. She was an elementary art teacher of 900 students she loved. She had many more years left to do His work. I am just an old retired teacher with no children at home.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you for the post. Too many times we try to read something that will help alleviate pain, but instead we’re inflicted by more. I love what you said here. Much needed.

    I lost my son Oct 14, 2014 to suicide. He was a Christian who worked very hard at taking care of others, those who may have loved him, but didn’t see how their actions took him into depression. He was normally a very happy guy–who others loved to be around–and would have never thought he would allow such a tragedy.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Thank you. I have been alone in my grief. My son Alex died of an accidental drug overdose last April. The hole in my life is so vast I cannot find the words to describe it. Your blogs have helped me and made me feel a little less alone.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Death is awful! I hate it. God hates it too and refused to abandon us to it. I think those of us who have buried a child know precisely how awful death is. Yet those of us who also know and trust Jesus know how precious the promise that it will be redeemed is as well. It’s a high price to pay for wisdom. One I would not have agreed to. ❤️


      1. I think it’s natural for us to wonder that. Even if it means we carry some blame, it’s a way to “balance” the cosmic scales. But Christ has already paid for every sin. And while some deaths may be the natural consequence of sinful behavior, God is not punishing us with child loss. I am thankful the post helps your heart. I pray you feel God’s love, grace and mercy overwhelm you. ❤


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