So often we think of prayer as words.
But prayer can be a heart cry too deep for words.
It can be a groaning soul, longing for release.
That has been the prayer I offer most often this side of child loss, “Please God, please, please, please! Send grace and have mercy! Help me hold on to hope and make it Home!”
As I’m caught in the current of the days leading up to the anniversary of Dominic’s running ahead, my mouth grows silent and my heart louder. My world circles smaller and eternity looms larger.
I don’t have to think about prayer.
I breathe it.
My heart beats it.
Unceasing, persistent, continuous prayer.
There is a different kind of prayer without ceasing; it is longing. Whatever you may be doing, if you long for the day of everlasting rest do not cease praying. If you do not wish to cease praying, then do not cease your longing. Your persistent longing is your persistent voice. But when love grows cold, the heart grows silent. Burning love is the outcry of the heart! If you are filled with longing all the time, you will keep crying out, and if your love perseveres, your cry will be heard without fail.
~St Augustine
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Melanie, I have been reading your posts and they are very helpful to me in my journey of losing my only child, Kaitlyn at 8 years old. I cant get over it. Its been a year and a half and the pain and bleakness of my future is ever looming. I tried to get disability due to severe depression and ptsd and was just denied. Working with other people, even going to the grocery store is so hard. Any advice, please? And thank you for pouring your heart out to those of us following you along in this shitty journey.
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God is His infinite wisdom has sent us the Holy Spirit to intercede for us when we are incapable of articulating our most heartfelt and desperate prayers. We can count on this. Romans 8:26 “In the same way, the Spirit too comes to the aid of our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but the Spirit itself intercedes with inexpressible groanings.”
Praise be to God.
May the peace and love of Jesus Christ continue to hold you all close in this earthly journey until we are all reunited with our children in Heaven.
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My prayers have mostly vanished. When I do pray, they seem so feeble and understated. The warrior within me has been defeated. Bear hugs.
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This is so beautiful. It encourages my heart to keep praying. Grace and peace to you as you approach the anniversary of Dominic’s passing. I’m so very sorry for your great loss. You will be in my heart……..my prayers.
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“A groaning soul” and “loud heart” feels like all I can manage most days, even when I’m on an even keel. Hoping feeble my prayers will heard.
Peace be with you Melanie ❤
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I have every confidence they are. ❤️
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