So we went to my niece’s high school graduation this week.
It was another in a recent long line of events Dominic was not here to celebrate with us.
Another set of pictures missing his grin, his shoulders, his goofy antics, his presence.
It’s really beginning to add up.
And it hurts.
We were plunged headlong into some important celebrations in the first two months after Dominic left us-two graduations and a wedding. But there was a kind of lingering aura that made it a little more bearable. Everyone involved KNEW Dominic. So while he was not there bodily, he was present nonetheless because so many people carried a piece of him in their hearts, had stories to tell and made comments about how he would have done this or that.
My niece obviously knew Dominic. And that’s a comfort. But the last time he saw her she was just entering her teen years. Now she’s leaving high school headed toward adulthood.
Fiona’s new husband never met Dom. His friends are a world set apart from our pre-loss life. His family knows Fiona lost a brother and me a son but they have no idea how that fact changes everything. They can’t. They don’t have anything to compare it to.
My sweet little grandson will grow up hearing stories but never seeing the man behind them. He will perceive Uncle Dominic as a tale told sometimes with tears and sometimes with laughter but never be the target of Dominic’s sometimes wicked humor nor feel the comfort of his strong arms.
In some ways five years might as well be a lifetime.
So much has changed.
So much I want to talk over with Dominic.
So much I wish he was here to see.
I know he is perfectly content in Heaven with Jesus. He’s not missing out on a thing! But I can’t stop my heart from selfishly wanting him here with me as well.
It’s like playing a piano with a sticky key-somehow the melody is always just a little off.
Never quite right.