Child Loss: Adding Up The Missed Milestones

So we went to my niece’s high school graduation this week.  

It was another in a recent long line of events Dominic was not here to celebrate with us.  

Another set of pictures missing his grin, his shoulders, his goofy antics, his presence.

It’s really beginning to add up. 

And it hurts.  

We were plunged headlong into some important celebrations in the first two months after Dominic left us-two graduations and a wedding.  But there was a kind of lingering aura that made it a little more bearable.  Everyone involved KNEW Dominic.  So while he was not there bodily, he was present nonetheless because so many people carried a piece of him in their hearts, had stories to tell and made comments about how he would have done this or that.

My niece obviously knew Dominic.  And that’s a comfort.  But the last time he saw her she was just entering her teen years.  Now she’s leaving high school headed toward adulthood.

Fiona’s new husband never met Dom.  His friends are a world set apart from our pre-loss life.  His family knows Fiona lost a brother and me a son but they have no idea how that fact changes everything.  They can’t.  They don’t have anything to compare it to.

My sweet little grandson will grow up hearing stories but never seeing the man behind them.  He will perceive Uncle Dominic as a tale told sometimes with tears and sometimes with laughter but never be the target of Dominic’s sometimes wicked humor nor feel the comfort of his strong arms.

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In some ways five years might as well be a lifetime.  

So much has changed.  

So much I want to talk over with Dominic.

So much I wish he was here to see.

I know he is perfectly content in Heaven with Jesus.  He’s not missing out on a thing!  But I can’t stop my heart from selfishly wanting him here with me as well.

It’s like playing a piano with a sticky key-somehow the melody is always just a little off. 

Never quite right. 

missing them from your side

Author: Melanie

I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.

13 thoughts on “Child Loss: Adding Up The Missed Milestones”

  1. Sometimes I come across a photograph whilst I’m scrolling through and the pain of being only able to to gaze and not hold is unbearable. It affects my whole mind and body in a way that is indecribable….but you will know that Melanie 💔

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  2. Tomorrow is the 40th birthday of my precious first born daughter who gets to celebrate in Heaven with our Dear Lord. Me’Me’ went to Heaven 5 years ago.
    We love and miss you every moment of every day 😘😘😘😇😇😇🙏🙏🙏

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  3. Wow…this is so the way I have been feeling! It’s been 5 years since I lost my only son. It’s so difficult to see life just going on without him…

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    1. I am so very sorry for your loss and your pain. It is hard to imagine life going on without our child but the fact is, it does. May the Lord give you strength to hold onto hope and may He overwhelm you with His grace, love and mercy. ❤

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    1. It does. I think missing is the hardest part of the whole thing. I can feed my heart truth about how it will all be redeemed but I can’t convince my heart that missing him is OK. It just hurts. ❤

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      1. Sometimes I come across a photograph whilst I’m scrolling through and the pain of being only able to to gaze and not hold is unbearable. It affects my whole mind and body in a way that is indecribable….but you will know that Melanie 💔

        Like

  4. Thank you again! Perfectly written. So many things I want to share with my Bryan. I talk to him all the time. Our middle son is expecting his first and he and Bry were so close. It’s hard to know that life still goes on. Bry would be so proud of his son, 3yrs old now and so so much like his daddy.

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    1. I want to share so many things with Dominic. I don’t know if he can see from Heaven or not (people have different ideas about that) but I wish I could talk things over with him. ❤

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  5. Yes, I was thinking the same last night at my nephew’s high school graduation. Don’t know if my wife was the only one who noticed me wiping my eyes. Hugs my dear friend.

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  6. Thank you for this post. I feel the same way. The longer it’s been since they left the more distance I feel from her. So many memories made with our daughter Christy. Our hearts will always be split in two pieces. One side here with all the new memories and one side tucked safely without only eye memories that excluded Christy💔❤️💔. Thinking of you and Don. I hate Memorial Day as it was 6 years ago we received the test results over the phone that her cancer had come back and spread to her lymph nodes – only 7 weeks left with our precious christy. She was only 22. I pray she knows your amazing son in heaven – Always will be Joann – christys mom 🌻

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