My son’s death is a moment in time, a date on the calendar, a thing of the past for other people.
I understand that.
But for me, it’s an ongoing event.
Every time Dominic SHOULD be here but isn’t I lose him again.
Every milestone he should be marking but doesn’t I lose him again. Every Christmas, every birthday, every ordinary day when something funny happens or I want to send him a text or message, I lose him again. Every time I need his advice and insight, I lose him again.
I didn’t lose him once, I keep losing him.
Over and over and over again.
I lost my child….Today
… I lost my child today.
People came to weep and cry,
As I just sat and stared, dry eyed.
They struggled to find words to say,
To try and make the pain go away,
I walked the floor in disbelief,
I lost my child today.
I lost my child last month.
Most of the people went away,
Some still call and some still stay.
I wait to wake up from this dream.
This can’t be real.
I want to scream.
Yet everything is locked inside,
God, help me, I want to die.
I lost my child last month.
I lost my child last year.
Now people who had come, have gone.
I sit and struggle all day long.
To bear the pain so deep inside.
And now my friends just question, Why?
Why does this mother not move on?
Just sits and sings the same old song.
Good heavens, it has been so long.
I lost my child last year.
Time has not moved on for me.
The numbness it has disappeared.
My eyes have now cried many tears.
I see the look upon your face, “She must move on and leave this place.”
Yet I am trapped right here in time,
The songs the same, as is the rhyme,
I lost my child……Today.”
Netta Wilson
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thelifeididntchoose 
The last few paragraphs are so much what I feel . That I’m trapped in time and others ask why I haven’t moved on ? I performed CPR on my son at our house no one else was there. I’m a RN and I could see his life slipping away and I’m screaming No God please help me !! I had to call 911 3 times to get them to the right address.After they pronounced him dead I just hugged him on my living room floor I couldn’t let go ! Idk how much time went by but I heard them saying “we have to get her off of him” My heart was broken and I knew I would never be the same and it’ll be 7 years in Nov.and my head can’t wrap around that length of time but yet it feels like forever since I heard his voice but the actual event seems like it just happened the other day 😞♥️
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Just what I needed today as I face the dreaded date on the calendar “7/19” the day my world changed forever after the loss of Christy who was only 22 – she lost her short battle to aggressive cancer. My heart hurts everyday so I try hard to remind myself that tomorrow will come and go it the pain lives in my heart forever – Joann “Christys mom forever”
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I lost my son 14 months ago I feel the pain everyday my world will never be the same I long to see him again and if life could start all over again 😓
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Thank you, you wrote exactly what I feel my daughter goes through daily. I just pray each day and night that God gives her the strength to make it through each day.
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Thank you. This so eloquently expressed the missing. Every single day.
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