Trust me, I WANT to do all the things I used to be able to do.
I want to live up to every commitment, be at every event or celebration, make myself available and remain flexible and always say the right thing.
But I can’t.
I couldn’t before Dominic ran ahead to Heaven (although I had more energy to try) and I definitely can’t now.
Often I disappoint myself or those I love and I hate that.
No one can be as upset with me as I am with myself. No one can condemn me with a longer list than the list I keep in my own heart. No one can say anything to me that I haven’t already said to myself.
I have no illusion that I’m perfect. I don’t think I’m even close to perfect.
But I do have high expectations of myself and when I fall short, it’s a hard fall that ends with a THUD! and it takes days to mend.
I need to manage my expectations.
I need to be more realistic about what I can and can’t do.
Grief makes everything harder.
Even after five years.