No Degree in Grief

I get comments from time to time that chastise me for presenting my child loss experience as universal or for stating things emphatically as if I’m an expert on grief.

That is never, ever, ever my intention.

I try to frame every post with personal details that make plain I’m talking about myself, my family or, sometimes, well-documented research I’ve found and want to share in hopes it helps someone else.

I’m no expert on anything other than my own experience.

I’m even hesitant to share things about my surviving children or my husband because I don’t want to assume that what I observe from the outside accurately reflects their inner world of missing and mourning Dominic.

That’s the nature of a personal blog-it’s personal.

And while I could couch every sentence with qualifiers like, “in my experience” or “for me” or “this is what I felt but might not be what you feel” that makes for tedious reading and clumsy writing.

So I don’t.

I assume anyone who chooses to read what I share wants to read it. I hope that he or she takes what is helpful and tosses the rest.

I do not have a degree in grief.

I am not a professional author.

I am a bereaved mama who has committed to tell my story of loss as honestly and openly as I am able and to share ideas and insights that have been helpful to my own heart.

If it helps yours, I’m thankful.

If you have a different perspective, please share it!

I have always wanted this space to spark a two-way conversation-a dialogue, not a monologue.

Author: Melanie

I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.

19 thoughts on “No Degree in Grief”

  1. Your blogs have inspired me in ways I couldn’t even convey to you. They have helped me be more open and share my personal experience with others. When I started this journey 3 years ago I would have given anything to know the raw, vulnerable, and truth from fellow bereaved moms. Thank you. Keep sharing please!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This is timely. Hubby and I are on the road on our way to be with friends who are grieving the homegoing of my friend’s mom. Expected, yet not. Even though my own grief in my mom’s homegoing after a lengthy battle with Alzheimer’s is still fresh, I still struggle for words and appropriate ways to offer help. For now, I will just “be with.”

    Liked by 1 person

  3. You will never get one of those ‘judging’ type of messages from me. Every post I get from you has something in it to help me deal with the death of my two daughters within a few months of each other. That was two years ago now. Keep writing , keep sharing, I still need you because I have a long ways to go yet.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Thank you for your persistence in sharing your grief. I have been 12.5 months in this journey and am still looking for any and all help. Your words often hit home. I read them daily. I am not as spiritual as you are but I find your words comforting at all levels and thank you enormously for your support of all of us.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I just started following your blog about 2 months ago. It is especially helpful for me because every time I read one of your posts, I feel “me too” and I’m not alone. It’s a terrible club to be apart of but thankful for your posts. Keep sharing please💕 and thank you!!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Oh Melanie, your heart speaks to our hearts whether we have experienced the exact same thing or not. We are grieving parents travelling this hard road. Some of us will have tripped and fallen over a hidden tree stump and some may have fallen down a gully. One thing for sure we are all having to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps in one way or another.
    I thank God I found your blog. Our boys went on ahead in very different ways, we are a different continent with differing family dynamics…..but the one thing that is the same – we cry the bitter tears of a parent without their beloved child.

    Sending my love across the ocean ❤❤❤

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Your words have always been a beautiful expression and sharing of your experience and your heart and I’ve never seen anything other than that from you. I have seen a few ongoing posts by others in recent months that have a different tone to them (ie, the posts I’m referring to are more ‘instructive’ or ‘teaching’ and might be more appropriate on their own wall), and I wonder if those posts might be what the negative comments have been referring to? When I first started noticing those other posts I thought maybe you had some new admins helping, so it’s possible that other people are thinking that those posts are from you or sanctioned by you? I’ve since blocked them so that I can continue to savor your posts, which I appreciate so much.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Oh for grief’s sake.

    You have done an excellent job at sharing what a grief journey is like. For many of us, your words are our words. No, everyone doesn’t grieve the same. But the entire point of your blog is sharing YOUR experience in order to help others. Keep writing. And to those who are being critical, take a chill pill. I have fifteen books on grief that were sent to me after my daughter’s death. It is THIS blog that has helped me the most.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. So, so much of what you write resonates with me. I lost my son as well, two years ago. My only child. Keep writing. PLEASE. It is your gift to share. God bless you.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Just want you to know that when I first found your blog it was a Godsend. When my Jacob was killed in 2012 in a car accident every fiber of my being was devastated and all I wanted (outside of having Jacob back) was to talk to someone who had also experienced trauma at this extent. You became and still are that person. I know we don’t “converse” but the Spirit that resides in both of us do. Thank you for your transparency

    On Fri, Oct 2, 2020 at 1:38 AM thelifeididntchoose wrote:

    > > > > > > > Melanie posted: ” > I get comments from time to time that chastise me for presenting my child > loss experience as universal or for stating things emphatically as if I’m > an expert on grief. > > > > That is never, ever, ever my intention. > > > > I try to frame every post with person” > > > >

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I have followed your posts for nearly four years (maybe longer.). You have touched my heart and soothed my misunderstood soul in ways only a grieved mother could.
    Thank-You for being a voice….tender yet truthful of this life changing event none of us wanted or could ever have prepared for….

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That is kind and I appreciate it! I’m OK with folks helping me remain authentic and reminding me that I have to choose words carefully. Five years is a long time to write every day and I’m sure at times I’ve been sloppy in presenting my thoughts. Your words encourage my heart. May the Lord encourage yours today as well. ❤


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