Eight Years, Sigh…

The calendar is relentless. There’s no respect for seasons of mourning or grief anniversaries or weeks of sickness or unexpected early births of grandchildren.

The sun rises, the sun sets and another day is crossed off into history.

So somehow-without my permission-I find I’ve woken to mark the eighth anniversary (do you call such a horrible thing an anniversary?) of Dominic’s death.

It’s humbling to realize I (and my family!) are not only still standing but flourishing. It’s horrifying to comprehend I’ve continued to live and breathe for 2922 days since Dominic left us.

Most days are pretty good.

Today is hard.

❤ Melanie

When the numbness wore off (maybe around six months) I remember vaguely wondering what years down the road would feel like.

I tried to project the “me” of that moment into the future and imagine how I might deal with life changes, new circumstances, an empty nest, grandchildren (if there were any) and growing older alongside the heartache of burying a child.

But just as it’s impossible to comprehend how the addition of a child utterly transforms a family, it’s impossible to understand how the subtraction of one changes everything just as much.

We are all so very different than we would have been if Dominic were still here.

Life most likely wouldn’t be any more perfect because we would each grow and change, find common ground and find points of conflict, make new memories and drag up old hurts.

Still, none of us would carry the deep wound and traumatic injury of sudden and out-of-order death.

THAT is impossible to ignore. Even eight years later it’s a red flag, a sticky note, an addendum to every family gathering and holiday.

So we carry on.

Like generations before us who have walked this world dragging loss behind them, we keep going. It shapes us but doesn’t limit us. It informs our views but isn’t the only thing that molds our opinions and frames our choices.

My faith in God’s larger and perfect plan helps me hold onto hope even as I continue to miss my son.

But today is a hard day and I don’t think that’s going to change as long as I live.

I’m getting better at remembering Dominic’s birthday in ways that honor who he is and the man he might have become. I can’t say I’ve figured out any good way to walk through the yearly unavoidable and unwelcome reminder of the day he left us.

I’m learning to allow the grief waves to simply wash over me without resisting them.

Eventually the hours tick away, the day is over and I find I’ve survived yet again. 

Author: Melanie

I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.

6 thoughts on “Eight Years, Sigh…”

  1. There are no words of consolidation that will sooth your aching heart today Melaine. These “anniversaries ” of ours that we never in any of our nightmares expected to have to acknowledge will always be the hardest days. The sun will set on this day but until it does endurance has taught us how to get through it.

    Sending love across the ocean. May the love of God and the peace of the Lord be with you this day xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Sending you hugs and love on this difficult day. Thank you for sharing your handsome Dominic with us and helping us other parents navigate the road that none of us want to be on. Wishing your family peace and fond memories of Dominic especially today. 🙏 ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Thank you Melanie for everything that you do for all of us grieving mamas out here. Your words have often soothed me over these last 6 years and now I wish you soothing words wherever you may find them. I’m thinking of you today and wishing you peace.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Melanie thinking of you today and every day because this pain is there every day, constantly and won’t relent until we are reunited. Dominic holds your love in his heart Melanie, that pain in your heart is real he had to take it to hold onto.
    May you feel the light of the Lord with the pure eternal love for Dominic surround you and your family today and always x
    in some ways I think people think this day is worse than others..how could it be any worse than it is every single day without them , because EVERY day is the worst day to us left behind x

    Liked by 1 person

  5. We have just passed the 2 year mark and his birthday all within the last week. My son was just 35 and his absence is a dark hole in our lives. I just retired (earlier than I planned) and with all this time I am finding myself back in those early days of shock and deep grief. It is all I can think of without the distraction of work. Whether is is 2 years or 8 or 28 we will never be the same. Thank you Melanie for your God given gift of expressing our thoughts and feelings with your words. You are a blessing to so many.

    Liked by 1 person

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