Where Is God in the Suffering?

It’s not uncommon for those of us who have faced the fiery trial of child loss to wonder if God is still listening, still cares and remains near.

Pain is such a giant presence, taking up all the space in our hearts, that there is barely room to imagine a good and loving God could be part of this.

I’ll be honest, when the deputy brought the news of Dominic’s death, peace did NOT descend on me like a dove. Unearthly howls filled my foyer and I dropped to my knees, begging it not to be true.

But I knew that my feelings weren’t always (or even often) the best arbiters of truth so even then I recited facts out loud to my shattered heart. God is with us. God will sustain us. God’s grace and mercy are sufficient.

And God has been with us, IS with us and sustains us.

Now our family faces another kind of awful.

I see my adult children choosing brave and compassion and steeling themselves against what might be while hoping, hoping, hoping things turn out better than predicted.

One of my favorite passages in the Old Testament is the story of Hagar and Ishmael in the desert. Abraham sent them away because Sarah was jealous for Isaac to receive all his father’s love and energy.

It’s the only time (as far as I know) a human named God.

Hagar calls the Lord, El Roi, “the God who sees me”, because He spoke to her and promised a future for her forsaken son.

I believe that while our Heavenly Father does not always intervene in miraculous ways, He always SEES us in our suffering. He does not abandon us. He does not condemn us to walk this rocky path alone.

I don’t understand or even always like what God allows. I can’t fit my life story into a neat box labeled “Blessed by God”. Many days feel like I’m being beaten and bruised, not blessed.

But I do not think I am left alone.

We just celebrated Christmas and the gift of Immanuel-God with Us. In suffering, we have to hold on to that truth.

When I am afraid, I remind my heart of the fact that the Creator of All Things chose (voluntarily chose!) to become flesh. He chose to subject Himself to the vagaries of human life. He actively entered the world of His creation for the express purpose of proving His love for us (for me!).

Jesus is love made flesh. The Babe in the manger is God’s promise that He is with us and He is for us.

So, where is God in my suffering?

He is here.

As close as my next breath.