My nearly ninety year old father suffered a major stroke in mid September.
Much like the morning when a deputy showed up at my door and told me Dominic was never coming home, my life was suddenly and drastically changed in ways I wish it wasn’t.
I got in the car, drove to the hospital and suddenly became a full time caregiver.
It’s been a rocky couple of months.
I’ve learned more than I ever wanted to know about navigating our complex healthcare system of doctors, rehabilitation services and finding reliable and qualified respite care.
My patience, self control and organizational skills have been stretched to the limit.
I was forced to cancel several upcoming ministry commitments and am just now beginning to try to figure out how to re-engage directly with parents on a regular basis. I miss that so much!
One of the things I’ve learned since Dominic ran ahead to Heaven is that life keeps coming.
The calendar has no respect for my personal Season of Sorrow or any other, more pressing, stressors being heaped one atop the other. Holidays and birthdays are fixed dates. Babies are born in the fullness of time and don’t ask permission.
I know I’m not the only bereaved parent who is part of the sandwich generation-adult children on one side and aging parents on the other. It is truly a challenging season.
I find many of the strategies and habits I developed while grieving have served me well as I try to navigate a different kind of loss.
Boundaries are so important. I’ve had to tell lots of people that I simply cannot be available all the time. I let text messages go unanswered when I’m engaged in more important tasks. That’s hard and uncomfortable but necessary.
If someone offers to help, let them. There are so many things that only I can do for my dad that when someone offers to do one of the others, I’m trying hard to let them.
I’m honest about the hard. It’s tempting to gloss over or minimize the most difficult parts of our journey. But that’s not helpful for me or for anyone else who might be following my journey. When I share transparently, I encourage others to hold on, knowing they are not alone and give friends and family the opportunity to come alongside and encourage me.
Give grace-to yourself and to others. I don’t always make the best choices and sometimes I say the wrong thing. I get tired and grumpy. I’m human and that’s going to happen. When it does, I need to extend the grace to myself I’d give to someone else.
People are going to offer unsolicited and unwanted advice. They are going to say things that rub me the wrong way. Bible verses and trite, bumper sticker, positive thinking messages have been tossed at me from the sidelines. Our culture insists on bright siding even the darkest and most devastating situations. I try to extend grace to those folks too. (And when I can’t, I mute them on social media and silence their texts and calls!)
I don’t know how long or how hard this season will ultimately prove to be.
But I know that I will survive.
The Lord has been faithful for the more than eleven years since Dominic ran ahead to Heaven.
His love will not fail me now.
thelifeididntchoose 