I know you are afraid.
You think that speaking his name or sharing a memory or sending me a photo will add to my sorrow.
But even when it costs me a split second of sharp pain, it is truly a gift to know that Dominic lives on in the hearts and minds of others. It gives me courage to speak too. It creates space where I can honor my son.
It helps keep him alive.
“I mean, they say you die twice. One time when you stop breathing and a second time, a bit later on, when somebody says your name for the last time.” ~Banksy
I know you’re busy. I know your life is full and bustling with so many people and activities demanding attention that you don’t have any to spare.
It is easy to forget.
He wasn’t your child. The date of his homegoing isn’t etched into the marrow of your bones, it isn’t scribed on the inside of your eyelids.
Every time the calendar screams “12” I make one more chalkmark on my heart counting the days since I saw him last.
But please remember. Please don’t let the day slip by and not acknowledge that it is as important a milestone to me and my family as his birthday.
I know you’re scared.
Death is scary. Even for us who trust Jesus. And the death of a child just trashes the notion that we are in control, that we can fully protect the ones we love from all harm.
But you are frightened of what you cannot comprehend.
I am living the reality of your greatest fear.
Be brave. Step out and welcome me in.
Give space for the longing to hear my son’s name, to know my son matters, to relive some of the happy moments and funny times and even some of the hard days.
I can sit by myself and remember him.
But sharing him with you breathes life into the recollection and speaks hope to my heart.
It fuels the fire that helps me see that even when I’m not here to carry him into the land of those still living, someone else will do it for me.
Love is stronger than death even though it can’t stop death from happening, but no matter how hard death tries it can’t separate people from love. It can’t take away our memories either. In the end, life is stronger than death.