Keep On Keeping On

The months roll by, the calendar pages turn, soon school will be back in session and you are still not here.

Sometimes I think I have figured out how to do these days that remain between now and when we will be together again.  

And sometimes I realize that I haven’t.

Today is one of those days.

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I miss you.

I love you.

 

 

I can’t round a corner without thinking of you and wishing this was not my life.

But it is.  

So I’ll keep on keeping on.  Just like you would want me to.

Just like you would do.

Even when it’s hard.  

And some days it is so very hard.

Author: Melanie

I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.

12 thoughts on “Keep On Keeping On”

  1. Very hard indeed.
    Remember Jesus loves each of us dearly.
    Be encouraged.
    He has overcome the world.
    Glory is coming.
    Your soul will explode in perfect joy and unity with God.
    We’ll be reunited in LOVE.
    Time is short.
    Keep the faith.
    Even in through the tears.
    He has not forgotten you.
    You are cherished and adored.
    Come Lord Jesus.
    We worship you.

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  2. Melanie, I, too, love your writing! It resonates with me so. You write from such an honest place in your heart, yet your hope in Christ comes shining through. I am so very sorry for the loss of your handsome Dominic. It has been 6 years, 1 month, and 4 days since we lost our Robert by his own choosing. Some days I can’t believe I’ve made it this far. Yet, I’m very thankful that I have, and thankful most of all for God’s love and grace that have gotten me here. Our friends who have not walked this road want to be supportive, and are, for the most part; but I’m thankful for this forum of bereaved parents who understand each other and can lift each other up.

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    1. I am so very sorry, Susan. I am thankful too for the support and love of our fellow travelers. Sad that there are so many, but grateful for the understanding and encouragement. We will always count, won’t we-from that day, that hour? Further from THEN but closer to the day of reunion. May the Lord continue to give you strength for each new day and overwhelm your heart with His love, grace and mercy. Thank you for the kind words.

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  3. Melanie, I agree, it’s just so hard. I think I am still in shock at times because it just doesn’t seem real. I’m wrestling with things right now and it makes me doubt. I am trying to do the hard and work through when I don’t want to deal with it. I would want to make some sense why Joe had to die and I’m sure you have questioned that as well. I have been holding onto Psalm 13. I know God has a bigger plan, but sometimes I can’t even pray. Your words ring true often as only from your grieving heart. Your Dominic was such a handsome young man. Thanks for sharing as it brings comfort to a lot of us.

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    1. Anna, It’s OK if you can’t pray and it’s OK if you ask questions. I am so very sorry we have to do this. I am so very sorry for our pain. I hate death! I long for the day when everything we have lost and all this ache and tears are redeemed and restored. Until then, may God give you the strength you need for today and every day. I am thankful that my words help.

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  4. Two months today for me, going by the date. 8 1/2 weeks by the day. It never leaves my mind even when I am able to think of other things, it’s still there. My child is gone and there is not a single thing I can do about it. After 21 years of taking care of him, fixing as many things as I could for him, I cannot fix this. All the times there were consequences or circumstances we couldn’t control, I would tell him this is just a bump in the road, we will get past this and we would. But this is no bump in the road, it’s a deep dark sink hole that I have to daily pull myself out of to show up for a job to pay the bills and the rest of my family. I really think God is the one doing the pulling though, because I don’t have the strength nor the will. May God continue to help us bear our grief til He comes or calls us home. I ask prayers for my younger son that God will grant him mercy and repentance and a measure of faith to believe so one day we will all be together again.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Stacy-you are so fresh to this journey. I am so very sorry for your pain! You are absolutely right! It is not a “bump in the road” but I’m not sure anyone who hasn’t traveled this path can comprehend that. May the Lord overwhelm your heart with mercy and grace and give you the strength you need for each day. And may any scheme of the enemy be defeated in your younger son, may the Lord’s love touch his heart, draw him to the saving grace of Jesus and prevent a root of bitterness to grow.

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  5. Sunday made eight months for me. I started a blog a few months ago to help with my loss as well. I agree, I don’t think I will ever “be over it and move on” as I have heard some say. I am just breathing and waiting for the day I see my baby again. Love to know there are others out there like me.

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    1. I know I am stronger than I was months ago (27 months for me) but I am not “done”, “over it”, “through it”, or whatever words people want to use to indicate a dividing line between when I was “grieving” and when I am not. The dividing line I recognize is before the accident and after. I’m learning new ways to cope, new ways to walk forward and new ways to think about this life I now live. Some days feel so hard still that I just want to sit down and give up. But I don’t. Praying that God will give you the strength you need to get through each day too.

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  6. I absolutely love your writings. To know that there is someone else who struggles with the loss of a child brings a measure of peace. It has been 2 years and I thought something was wrong with me. I thought I should be farther down the grief road than I am. Your words help me to understand that I’m not crazy and what I’m experiencing is completely normal.

    Thank you so much. You are helping many

    Wes

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I am so very sorry for your loss and your pain. Thank you for the encouragement. I’m wary of those who say “I’ve dealt with that” in reference to child loss. I think because we lose not only what we had with our child but also what would have been , there is no definitive point of “dealing with it”. I’m no expert, just a grieving mama-but I feel fairly certain that we will all have this burden on our hearts as long as we live. And any strong emotion, any traumatic event is going to have an impact on every day, even when we may get to the point we don’t think of it every day. May the Lord give you strength for each new day.

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      1. There is no “right or wrong way” to grieve. Everybody is different, and should take as long as they need. I lost a grandchild with special needs that was totally dependent for her care. She couldn’t walk, talk, or feed herself, but knew everything going on around her. She understood everything, and had a wonderful sense of humor.
        She was 19, and just didn’t wake up one morning. I was devastated! That child kept me going. I didn’t know who I was without her, she defined me. I didn’t even have any friends…she was my world. Period! I couldn’t talk on the phone for over a year, or leave the house for anything. The phone made me cry, and leaving the house took me away from where my granddaughter should have been, so I panicked. It’s been 3 years now and I can go to church on Sundays, volunteer, and take short vacations. I still cry.

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