Last week I wrote how my well-laid plans for setting up the Christmas tree and decorating had gone awry.
I thought I was ready to pull out the old ornaments with the old feelings and forge ahead.
I was wrong.
But yesterday, after gazing at the “lights only” tree for all these days, I decided to make another go at it.
I packed up the tear-inducing decorations and stored them safely away. I pulled out the box of ornaments I used last year-mostly new things I bought or made since Dominic left for Heaven.
Each group of ornaments was chosen because it helps me hold on to hope.
I have hearts-stuffed, handsewn hearts, papier mache hearts, corrugated cardboard hearts.
Lots of hearts.
Hearts to remind MY heart that it was Love that brought Jesus to earth. It was Love that kept Him here. It was Love that took Him to the cross even after He had begged His Father in the garden for another way. And it was Love that broke the chains of death and raised Him from the grave.
That same Love is keeping Dominic safe until we are together again.
Stars to help me remember that Jesus brought Light into darkness. They help me hold onto the FACT that His light will not be extinguished. They speak truth to my spirit that even though this Valley is dark, it will not last forever.
I made some balls from little scrappy bits of fabric wrapped and glued in place. The pieces are useless alone-not big enough to do a thing. But together they are beautiful and strong and have purpose.
My life feels like it’s been ripped to shreds. But even shreds are useful in God’s hands. I’m waiting to see what He plans to do with them.
In the meantime, I hold on.
Old Christmas cards turned decorations are strung together and hung as visual prayers. I save my cards from year to year and cut out the lovely and meaningful pictures and scriptures.
I made my own paper copies of the Names of Jesus and burned the edges.
I cling to the promises in each Name. I may reach heaven through the fire of tribulation and trial but no power on earth, above the earth or under the earth can stand against His Name.
I will be preserved.
Little drums hang as silent witness to Dominic. His heartbeat lives on in mine. His rhythm that thrummed through our lives and is missing now still matters. He is making a joyful noise in Heaven.
He is not silent.
One day I will hear him again.
So tonight I sat in the soft glow of the lights AND the ornaments remembering…
Remembering years past when life was very different-untouched by tragedy and gut-wrenching loss and also remembering the promise that this is not the way it will always be.