Burning Bridges and Other Impulsive Acts

If you’ve followed the blog for awhile you’ve noticed that I rarely use this space to comment on current events unless they intersect with my experience of child loss.

So I have pretty much stayed away from our crazy political scene during this presidential election cycle because why add another voice to the screaming chorus when no one is listening anyway?

But as we make our way to the inauguration and I see heightened animosity, ugly speech and cruel separation of previous friendships, I realize that my experience is relevant right here, right now.

Until you wake up one morning to find out that your child whom you love, whom you raised and whom you were absolutely certain would bury YOU is gone, you have the luxury of assuming whatever bridges you burn can be rebuilt someday.

You may feel pretty confident that in a few days or months or years you will have the opportunity to pick up the pieces and reinvest in the relationship. You might justify your arrogance and impudence and violent speech that pushes others away by standing on principles, waving the banner of your just cause or simply being adament that YOUR viewpoint is the absolutely only correct one.



I’m a firm believer in social justice, political action, correct theology, and strong opinions.

If you’ve been around me for more than five minutes, you know this.

But I believe even more firmly that nothing gives me the right to be hateful, to be dismissive, to act superior or to cruelly treat another human being.

I am also a believer that whatever happens in Washington is only part of what makes the world.

Laws have consequences.

Policies have impact.  

Politicians make decisions that make life better or worse for millions of people.  BUT-how I treat the people I come in contact with every day also matters.

You can call me a coward or tell me I’m “selling out” but I am convinced that I can champion a cause without condemning a friend. I know I can disagree without being disagreeable.  

If my goal is to sway opinion, what hope do I have of that if I am blasting holes in the fabric of relationship?

Each one of us is making the world-day by day, decision by decision, interaction by interaction.

We are burning bridges or building relationships.

Todayjust for a single daylet’s all be kind.

be kind2

Let’s not bash others with our team banner, our polical banner or the banner of our favorite cause.

Let’s just love one another and offer a smile instead of a smirk- a hand up instead of a put down.

We might find we like that world a whole lot better than the one we are currently making.



Author: Melanie

I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.

5 thoughts on “Burning Bridges and Other Impulsive Acts”

  1. I agree with this so much. After loosing Brenton, I have learned it is easier to give grace and kindness than to fight a battle that will only exhaust me more than I already am. I also am intolerant of ugliness. I watch a confrontation in a grocery store over someone setting at a light too long, really, you are going to make an ugly statement to a mother in front of her child about how she doesn’t pay attention enough? I guess due to my loss, I too am much more sensitive to stupid, petty, things. Battles I used to choose no longer are battles for me. When I flew with Krissie a gentlemen stated an ugly statement about a dog being on the plane. I wanted to look at him and tell him that I would trade him one of his children for the dog I have since she is my emotional support dog for the child I buried, but, again, choosing different battles today than I would have a year ago.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Excellent perspective, Melanie…and what a great motivation for striving to be at peace with one another. I will apply this, and ask God to help me with the “inner person of my heart” as I can fake it pretty well on the outside, while being totally judge mental on the inside. Thank you once again!


    Liked by 1 person

    1. I can fake it too Jeni-it’s a constant struggle. But I find that child loss has made me much more likely to extend grace than I was before. Being aware of my own brokenness makes me alert to the brokenness of others. I am increasingly intolerant of ugliness. I just want to hug those people and say, “Now, don’t you feel better? Let’s be kind.” 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Amen to your blog. I do try to live that way and sometims I loose patience with people, but I never look down on a person or think I am better than they are. Good blog. God loves us all. Mama

    Liked by 1 person

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