True Truth

 

I will not get used to the fact that my son is beyond my reach.  I have come to a certain acceptance of it as fact, and acknowledgement of the truth that I cannot change that fact.

The pain hasn’t become less painful, only more familiar.  It doesn’t surprise me as often when it pricks my heart anew.

The world goes on.  I am a tiny speck in the greater scheme of things and my heartache hardly merits any pause in the machinery of the cosmos.

I have learned to put on the face I need for everyday tasks and to look the part of a functioning human being.  But just beneath the surface is a cauldron of emotion that can be exposed in a heartbeat.

I miss my son.

I miss the part of me that was reflected back from the mirror of Dominic.

I miss the family we used to be.

I miss the past when there could be a whole day of laughter without a single tear.

I miss the children I used to have-the ones who knew nothing about irrevocable loss and breathtaking heartache.

I know I’m indulging in selfish introspection and that I should be looking with faith-filled eyes to the glorious future God has promised through Christ.

But today I just can’t.

I won’t be guilted into trying to pretend that I don’t miss all this.

Because I do.

 

changed for life

Author: Melanie

I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.

11 thoughts on “True Truth”

  1. Thank You again. You are so gifted in the way you put your feelings into words.
    It is always as if you where in my head. I can not express to my friends and family the way I feel. Then you put it in print. I can let them read your words and it becomes clearer to them. Just say David when they come to Dominic.
    May God keep you and bless you today and always.
    Charlene

    Liked by 1 person

  2. These words so hit home today ….. It’s now been 6 weeks and I am having so much trouble wrapping my mind around the fact that I will never see Jon again on this earth. I miss calling him, texting him, e-mailing him, and knowing he was there. I miss his laughter and his love. I know he’s in heaven waiting for the rest of us, but I selfishly want him here …….

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Another moment like many when I open my mouth, unable to adequately say what I feel and then you write. Then I feel less alone. 💙

    Like

  4. I so agree with Jeff ‘ s mom. I only recently stumbled across your blog, but you write where my heart is at. I have a peace that my son is “safely Home”, but the missing is so hard. I saw a phrase someone posted on another site, “Your absence is always present”. As I go through each day, normal for the rest of the world to see, that presence of absence stays with me. Yes, the pain is more familiar and the pain pricks less surprising as you say, but the intensity can still overwhelm. I think the Psalms show us that sorrow and faith can walk together when we link arms with hope “of that glorious future”. Joining with you in the missing. I’m missing Kevin.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I hope this comes across OK, but allow me for a moment to play ‘big sis’ and say I’m proud of you, Melanie. I know it doesn’t feel good; I know you feel as if you are in a dark place when writing this. However, what I see is growth. It is in the darkest places that our roots expand. (((HUGS)))

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Thanks once again, Melanie. “The pain hasn’t become less painful, only more familiar.” This is me. This is my existence. Your gift with words helps me not feel less pain, but to nod my head in agreement. Here is another follower of Christ who really gets me. May we know His grace and hope for a future where our tears will be dried. Missing my Jeff💛💙

    Liked by 1 person

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