Your Child Matters

I know many who read this blog belong to closed online bereavement groups.

That’s a beautiful thing- a place where we can share our pain with others who understand it in a judgement-free zone.

child-and-mama-heart-together

We often post photos and our child(ren)’s story in the closed groups.

But today I want to take a moment to provide a public forum for anyone who wishes to take advantage of it.

Your child matters.

His or her story matters.

Your pain matters.

If you are so inclined, please “speak” your child(ren)’s name in the comments section. Tell us something about your child(ren), tell us what you miss about your child(ren), tell us what made your child(ren) a special light in this world.

(It is a PUBLIC forum so please don’t post anything you don’t want the world to know.)

child existed

 

 

Author: Melanie

I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.

34 thoughts on “Your Child Matters”

  1. My son,Adam, forever 34,has been in heaven for 2 years because of a brain aneurysm. I still am in shock questioning how I can say goodnight to a healthy, smart, kind, compassionate son and he just isn’t here the next morning. Sadness is my life.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Jack Connor born 12/23/2002 and left this world by his own hand 9/1/2017. We still have no answers as to why….which is both a blessing and curse depending on the day.
    Jack was a sweet kid who was kind, humble, tender, fun loving, a leader, a great teammate, athletic, a great brother, a great friend, adventurous and beautiful. He always had a smile on his face and never spoke bad about anyone. The type of kid who would engage the new kid at school or sit with the kid who was by themselves at the lunch table. He wasn’t perfect……he also had an ornery side to him as well.
    He is loved and missed by so many. Can’t wait to see him again! We hold onto the hope and promise from God that we will be with him again.
    Love you Jack!!

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Our Joe became our son at three weeks old. He was such a gift from God. He was beautiful, loving, social and a champion for the underdog. We didn’t even know how deep that went until we were living in the after. He loved everything sports and played most of them, but bowling was his passion. He wasn’t always an easy boy to raise, he may have had more challenges that many, but he loved wholeheartedly. He especially loved his sis, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. He died in a car accident a month and a half before his 19th birthday. His dad, sissy, and I miss him so much. Facebook has become my memory book. I have told my fb friends that they are my therapy group. I tried blogging and it didn’t work for me. It’s been three and a half years and I still post pictures almost daily, but not as often as I used to, in part, because I have no new pictures. I just need to see his face out there, hear his name spoken or written, and know people remember. We miss him terribly. My heart still aches. but it usually isn’t with the crushing pain that I lived with for the first two or so years, although it can be just as fresh as the day he died. Joe is still very loved.

    Liked by 4 people

  4. My daughter is Skylar Dell Robinson. She would have graduated with the Class of 2020 but she was taken from us far too soon by poor choices and decisions made by others on December 17, 2016. She was born August 17, 2001 and I knew from the day I delivered her that she was was special. She never met a stranger & had a smile that literally radiated through her. She couldn’t stand to see anyone sad, upset, in need without positioning herself in some way whether it be to make silly faces or voices that could make even the stubborn laugh with her until tears rolled down their cheeks. Skylar also stood up for anyone being bullied in school regardless the reason, because she would state… how would it make you feel to… be bullied for your weight… when your physical appearance doesn’t mean squat if you have an ugly heart, or if you were having a rough time at home… she brought many friends home to eat dinner… and if someone was in need of something she had… clothing, jacket, shoes. She would come home and go through her clothes, her sister’s, or mine until they had what they needed. Sky had big plans to go to college out of state… to spread her wings… Skylar I truly believe you were my angel all along and there’s nothing in the world I wouldn’t do to have you home. Because you made the world a better place. Skylar matters. All the children I’ve read about, they matter. Everyday is a struggle, and I have hugged her in my dreams so hard & crying I can’t let you go. But shes always say I’ll see ya later mom….i can’t wait sis…I can’t wait…

    Love and hugs to you all- thank you for sharing your babies and letting me share mine

    Liked by 3 people

  5. Jason David Carney was our middle child, born 7/29/82 and died 3/3/2002 when he was broadsided by a drunk driver who was going twice the speed limit. Jason was pure sunshine – kind, loving, funny, intelligent. He loved swing dancing, baking chocolate chip cookies, volleyball, baseball, playing video games. He loved hanging out with friends and had a way of making people feeling special each and every time. He was the best brother our daughter ever could have had and the best son we ever could have hoped for. He was 19 when he died and has been gone 17 years. I miss him every single day and our world is so much less sunshine-y with him gone.

    Liked by 6 people

  6. Reading all of your stories makes my heart weep! Steven Ross Thompson left us July 8 2018. I can’t even put into words what an impact he had on so many lives. I still struggle with why he is not here but my ways are not Gods ways. Like you said in another post, “the absence of his presence is everywhere” Thank you for letting us share our children. Prayers and hugs to all that have posted💜

    Liked by 5 people

  7. Adam, who died sometime in the early hours of Jan. 31st this year during the super moon he was fascinated with. Just like him to leave the earth that night. He will always be 38.
    He loved hawks, science, what made people who they were, and his family. He was gifted with a brilliant mind, and deep feelings and thoughts about life. His humor is legendary, and his friends have adopted me. They often get me through the dark stuff.
    Though we still don’t have his autopsy or toxicology report, it is assumed he died of fentanyl tainted heroin. His father found him on his bed the next afternoon. He is the center of our family, always has been. Charming, handsome, great with people, and deeply devoted to the people he loved. No one ever saw him angry, ill-tempered or unkind. But he had insomnia, terrible physical pain from some injuries, deep financial losses, and depression. I think it was all just too much to deal with, and avoid returning to drugs for relief. We are heartbroken he didn’t ask us for help. It is an amputation I will never adjust to.

    Liked by 5 people

    1. Dear mother, what a bittersweet legacy you shared about your son, Adam. I can so understand every word you wrote. We are now left holding the memories, the broken pieces of their goodness, their kindness, sweet smiles and their humor, but also their great pain which all melts together with our own, the great blend of sweet and broken. The constant nagging in our helpless hearts. I pray that you will find peace and refuge here among those of us who have lost a huge part of ourselves. You are loved and understood.❤️

      Liked by 2 people

  8. My son, Moises, died this January by a hit and run driver. He was 22. His girlfriend witnessed it all. He was the light of my life (along with my other son). We adopted him from Guatemala when he was 6. We were supposed to fly to get him on 9/11. Fortunately we got our son a week later. He was so brave, coming to a foreign land and becoming part of a “strange” family. I was in love with Mo the minute I saw him. I got to be his mom for 15 years. He is such a blessing. I’m sobbing as I write this. My grief is still fresh and I miss him so much. My biggest fear is that people will forgot him. At his service so many kids told me wonderful stories of how he impacted their life. His girlfriend has become like a daughter to me and his friends have stuck close to us. Our oldest son has been spending lots of time with us, walking and playing games. God has been good to us in our suffering and surrounded us with so much support and love. There have been many blessings in our grief and I’m thankful God has given us hearts and eyes to see them.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Moises sounds wonderful! I am so sorry for your pain and your loss. Thank you for sharing him with us. May the Lord continue to lead you gently through this Valley and give you the strength and hope you need to finish strong. ❤

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  9. Thank you, Melanie, for the opportunity to share and thank you to each who have shared your child’s name and their story. My oldest son, Kevin, was diagnosed in February 2010 with a rare bone cancer, metastatic Ewing’s sarcoma. Four and half years later, in Sept 2014, after multiple relapses, many rounds of chemo, radiation treatments, surgeries and finally paralysis, my precious son took his last breath. He was just short of his 29th birthday. His will to live life fully in those painful and challenging years is my motivation to face each day in his absence. He didn’t let cancer stop him from going after and achieving many of his life goals–a masters in accounting, CPA license, a full-time job, marriage, home ownership. He lived those years with faith, love, adventure, perseverance, kindness, friendship, and most of all hope. Those are how I want live, they are his legacy. While he is greatly missed, there is joy in his having been my son and joy in knowing there is more to come in Heavenly places. Joy and sorrow knit together, and washed in tears.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Janet,
      I am so very sorry for your pain and your loss. What a glorious legacy Kevin left you! He sounds like an amazing man and a wonderful son. Thank you for sharing him with us. I look forward to the day when all of us will stand together, whole and redeemed, glorying in grace, mercy and love.

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Our daughter, Emily, was our only child. She died at 14 of a brain aneurysm. Emily was athletic, loved her animals, and spending time with us. And smart! She loved showing her chickens and heifers. And telling stupid chicken jokes. I mean dumb, dumb jokes! Her friends thought they were hilarious. My most missed moments … every day for those 14 years, we had morning cuddle time. Even as a 14 year old, she got up 15 minutes early just to sit curled up on me on the couch. Every day. 💙💙💙 Oh how thankful I am for that, and how badly I miss it.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Phyllis,
      I can imagine how big a hole such a beautiful soul has left in your heart! Missing that physical touch from our child is so very hard. I am so very sorry for your pain and your loss. Thank you for sharing a little bit of Emily with us. ❤

      Like

  11. My son Austin died November 2013. He is my first child. He was bright, passionate, and sensitive. He loved to take care of others. You would find him sometimes talking to the homeless asking what their story was after he feed them. He work hard for several charities. He loved his college, frat brothers, and his family. Learning was his passion they called him a renaissance man. He accomplished so much in his 20 years of life. We miss him everyday. So hard to get over this loss when no one will let you talk about what a great child you have. His friends and others have all moved on. I live on for my other three wonderful children by making every second count, but look forward to seeing Austin again someday. Saw a monarch butterfly fly from his flowers I bought him Monday. We live in a city where you do not see many butterflies. Thank you Austin I will love you forever. I also want to thank you for this blog Melanie There are days I look at what you have written, and think dang how does she know how I feel. Then I don’t feel not so alone anymore. So sorry we all walk this path.

    Liked by 5 people

    1. What a beautiful tribute to a life well-lived even if too short. I am so very sorry for your pain and your loss. Austin sounds like an amazing man! It’s hard when time passes and (as is normal) our child’s friends move on. It feels like they are being left behind and that is another painful addition to the burden we already bear.

      I’m thankful the blog helps a little. My heart cry is that by sharing it makes another parent’s burden a tiny bit easier to bear. We all hurt. We are all broken. When we admit it, it calls courage to others.

      Praying that God gives you strength for each new day. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Pruitt Jacob Wright. My son. My “middle” child. He was an entertainer from the beginning. Witty, charismatic, genuine, loving, and big hearted. He loved real and he loved hard. He passed on from this world the day after Thanksgiving, November 25th, 2016. I had just talked to him the day before. He was excited to be coming home for Christmas and bringing the love of his life, Lilly, for us to all meet. Lilly found him the next morning, already gone when she returned home from work. He had taken a xanax that had been laced with Carfentanyl – unbeknownst to him… His battled with anxiety for years after being bullied in school. I also believe he was molested, maybe even sexually assaulted around the age of 10, but I cannot prove it, although the suspect is now serving life in prison for just that crime perpetrated on at least 13 other boys. He had struggled, but he was doing so much better…He was the happiest he had been in years. He did not intend to die, but was murdered by a drug dealer. His smile was contagious and his laughter would make everyone around him smile and break into laughter with him. He was handsome, funny and so much fun to be around. I miss him every minute of every single day. My forever 24. Til we meet again. I love you —-Momma

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Monie,

      I am so very sorry for your loss and your pain. I’m sorry for the circumstances of Pruitt’s death that add to your burden of grief. Thank you for sharing him with us. Praying that the Lord fills your broken heart with His love, grace and mercy. ❤

      Like

  13. My daughter Lindsey Rose died on Dec. 22, 2015, after a two month battle with a rare, unexpected illness called Hemophagocytic Lymphohistiocytosis (HLH). She was my sunshine. She had special needs and I was her full-time caregiver, advocate, and voice. Lindsey brought me full-time joy and I was truly blessed to have her for 14 years. If you want to read a more complete version of her story and see her in a bit of video, you can do so at this link: http://akwa.wish.org/wishes/wish-stories/wish-to-meet/lindsey-rachelcoleman 💛

    I’ve enjoyed reading about each child introduced here. Thank you, Melanie, for the chance to mention the names of our beloved children; may they never be forgotten.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you for sharing Lindsey Rose with us, Cindy. I am so very sorry for your loss and your pain. I love that you say Lindsey brought you “full-time joy”. What a beautiful way to express the blessed calling of caring for your child. I love the link! May God continue to give you exactly what you need exactly where you are. ❤

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  14. Jeff Engler, Tommy to me, also known as JeffyPants and Chachi to his Cal Marching Band mates, is my son, my third blessed child. He died almost 18 months ago after falling from the roof of his fraternity, Pi Kappa Phi. He had been drinking, celebrating after finals. No one knew he fell, so his injuries went unrecognized for hours as he slowly bled to death internally. He loved his school, his frat, his friends, his family. Jeffy was a swim coach and beloved by our community. He had a hope for a future here in earth. So hard for me to let go of him and realize I won’t be able to hug him until heaven. Thankful that Jesus knows my sorrow and will dry my tears and answer the unknowns in eternity. My boy is always in my heart, on my mind. I look for him, I talk to him, I cry out to my God for him. I say his name in love and know you other grieving mommas get it. Love your heart, Melanie 💛💙

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I am so very sorry for the circumstances of Jeff’s death and how that adds to the burden of sorrow you carry. I am thankful you know that Jesus knows, that He loves you and loves Jeff. I am oh, so thankful that all of this pain and sorrow and grief and groaning will be redeemed one day! Until then I pray that God will make Himself very present to you and will overwhelm your hurting heart with His grace, mercy and love. ❤

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  15. My handsome son that is in heaven today is Nick. Sometimes we called him Nickaroni. Not sure how we came up with that nickname when he was little, but it stuck. He was taken way too soon. He had so so much left to give and that is part of the reason I’m having a hard time forgiving. He could brighten any room with his huge smile and energy and positivity. He was the only one of my 3 boys to call me Momma.😍 He also called me everyday litterally. On The worst day of my life, when the police knocked on our door, I had just told my husband that I haven’t heard from Nick today. Maybe he hasnt gotten home from Ronald McDonald house yet. He was interning there. But unfortunately, I found out the worst way possible why I hadnt heard from him yet that day. I have received an outpouring of stories, memories, love for a friend and love for his fraternity brothers. The outpour of love from those boys for me and My husband and Nick’s two brothers is amazing. I have so- called friends of my own that hasn’t even shown the thought, prayers and concern for my family as this wonderful group of young men. Nick is our middle son. Nick was singing in heaven and so happy when his little brother, Matthew, pledged his same fraternity. His Dad and I were also extremely happy. Nick would actually take the clothes off his back and all the money in his pocket to help a soilder and homeless people. One night he actually walked a homeless guy to a shelter to eat and get warm because it was gonna be below freezing that night. He didnt tell us where he went in the hustle and bustle of people coming in and out of our hotel. That’s my Nick! He wanted to work with troubled youth and young adults trying to keep them from making bad mistakes and show them love that so many are not shown and are given up on. I always told him he had better find him a rich chick, because he certainly wasn’t in a profession that made money. 🤣 He would just laugh, because he didn’t care. Money wasn’t important to him. He actually wore the same pair of wrangler blue jeans a whole semester ( granted he did wash them every so often). But had ask me to buy him a new pair. They are still in my badement never opened in tbe plastic bag. He told me we could return them or give to our loval church store. I miss him like crazy and my heart will never heal. I also know that I have a new life. My old life doesn’t exist anymore. I have finally let that sink in from therapy. But my grieving will never cease. Nick is with me all of the time. Taking care of me as always. I use to tell my boys before they went to sleep each night…. I love you more than infinity. Then they would say ….I love you more than beyond infinity. ❤❤❤

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Oh, Nick sounds like someone I can’t wait to meet! What a wonderful legacy of a life well lived! Thank you for sharing him with us. Praying that God gives you strength for each new day, dear mama. ❤

      Like

  16. Robert is our son. He has a brother and two sisters this side of heaven. Robert, also, chose to take his own life at age 20, almost 7 years ago, on June 9, 2010. Even after 7 years, the loss of him is still so hard, and I know it always will be. He was an accomplished percussionist and loved all things outdoors. He had a beautiful smile, and was always reaching out to those who were new or felt left out. This was stated over and over at his service. Thank you, Melanie for this opportunity to speak his name to the world. It becomes more and more difficult to do this with those who have not walked this path. They are uncomfortable with it, because it is not their path. I understand this, but it still hurts. I am so sorry for all of you who are enduring this pain; and I know we all look forward longingly to THAT DAY when we won’t have to! Thank you, Melanie, for your words, which always encourage me and speak to me right when I need it.

    Liked by 5 people

    1. Susan,
      I love how you chose to say, “Robert IS our son”-because he IS your son, always will be your son. I speak of Dominic in the present tense as well when referring to relationships. It sounds like he had an especially tender heart and recognized others’ need to be included and affirmed.

      I’m sorry that it gets harder to speak of our missing child. I think others become increasingly uncomfortable with how to do that because for them, they have no frame of reference as time passes. But for us mamas, our child is still very much part of our lives.

      Praying God continues to give you the strength to meet each new day. Looking forward to heaven!<3

      Like

  17. Morgan Brooke Blackmon is my daughter. She was 21 when she went to Heaven on October 16, 2016 in an ATV accident where she was a passenger. She was in the Air Force and home for the weekend. She had a vivacious personality, loved to laugh, joke, and be with friends, but yet be alone too. She loved to read and wanted to be an English lit teacher after her Air Force career. She was a huge pet lover and humanitarian. She wanted the best for all and was of the most loyal kinds of friends. If she loved you, you knew it! She was drum major for 3 years at her high school and always won best in class drum major. Music was the oxygen to her soul and her tattoos were a note to the world of who she was on the inside! She is my mini-me…we are so much alike, yet she is so individual too! Her make-up was always beautiful and she loved changing her hair color to bright lively colors. We planted a Sugar Maple tree in our front yard in honor of her because in the fall it’s colors are like her personality and hair! I had Morgan when I was 16. I grew up with her and do not know life before her! She taught me about real unconditional love, how to persevere through the toughest things, and what true bravery and courage look like. She is my hero and always will be. I ache for her…..Her sister and I feel so incomplete without our other girl! She gave her life to Jesus when she was a little girl and always professed to be a follower of Christ. Just two days before her home going she shared a post on Facebook about being a Christian and not apologizing to others for it. She still had so much to give to this world and so I try to honor her by doing the things she loved. I cling to the promises of God and the work of Jesus on the cross. I have no other hope than Him that I will break through this atmosphere one day and be reunited with my daughter. She waits for me! I got a tattoo on my arm that says, “She is with Him, and He is in us ;” Jesus is my connection to her and the semi-colon represents that the author of her life isn’t done with her story yet. There is still more to write! Prayers for you all to feel the love of God today because that is where the strength comes from to walk this dark journey! ~Blessings

    Liked by 4 people

    1. An amazing young woman! I am so very sorry for your loss and your pain. I love, love, love your tattoo-“She is with Him and He is in us”-that is so true. Jesus is the Promise and the Promise-keeper. We can rest assured that we will see our precious child again because He Who has promised is faithful. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  18. Levi is my son. He was a young man who’s smile and whit would charm your heart. Levi always cheered on the underdog. His heart was soft and sentimental.
    On October 3, 2009, Levi took his life at 17. His battle with addiction was a hard and very difficult road.
    Now his journey is full of all things beautiful. He is comforted, by our God who makes all things perfect. Levi knew Christ, responded to His love and through all his hardship, all this struggle, invited those he loved to know Him too.
    Levi has ran ahead of us, but we will catch up, three sisters, his dad and myself.
    Until then, we miss Levi every second of this hard, long journey in the valley of the shadow.
    I am so sorry for all the pain you are all experiencing! I am so very sorry, but I am forever grateful for your stories, compassion, and hope that encourage me and let me know I am not alone. Thank you!

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Thank you for sharing Levi and his hope in Christ. You’re right-now he knows only joy and beauty and love. What a blessed inheritance to look forward to!

      I’m thankful the blog helps your heart. That is always my prayer. May the Father wrap His loving arms around you and give you strength and hope for each new day. ❤

      Like

  19. Noah Lee was born still on February 27th, 2016. He weighed 7lbs 7oz and was 22 inches long. I was a week overdue when labor was induced. He showed no signs of distress and had a great heart rate 30 seconds (135bpm) before my last push. He was here and gone in the same moment. We found out through donating his heart valves that his aorta and pulmonary artery were fused…. something that rarely shows up in an ultrasound. Noah is our only child. This weekend we will be honoring him at a ceremony at C.O.R.E. (Center For Organ Recovery and Education) along with all the other 2016 organ donors.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. I am so sorry for your pain and your loss. Thank you for sharing Noah Lee with me. May the Lord give you the strength you need for each new day. Thank you for choosing to bless another family even in your grief. ❤

      Like

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