Closed For Repairs

Oh how I wish I could hang a sign for just a single day, “Closed for Repairs”!

I keep thinking that tomorrow or next week will be the little bit of respite I need to catch my breath and to do a few things I really must do for my own mental wellness.

But life has conspired to make that impossible.  

So here I am, hanging on by a thread again.  

Just barely managing to get by.  

Just barely managing to not scream in the middle of the grocery store when I can’t lift the case of Powerade bottles into the cart.  Just barely able to contain my panic when I reach for my checkbook and can’t find it in the bottom of my purse.  Just barely able to keep from crying when the bag rips putting it into the truck.

If the people around me knew how close I am to falling apart or breaking down, they would run away in fear of what might happen if I blow.  

Yes, it’s been three years.

But Dominic walked with me on this earth for nearly 24 years. Three years isn’t long enough to adjust to his absence.

I need a day off.

Or a week.  

Or a year.  

 

 

 

 

 

Author: Melanie

I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.

2 thoughts on “Closed For Repairs”

  1. My heart breaks, and breaks again…for you, for all mothers who wake up without their children breathing earth’s air…we have a vacuum that will only be filled when we leave earth’s boundaries for our heavenly home… who would have known when we birthed them into this life, that our hearts would feel this emptiness…I love you, hold you in my heart, cover you with prayer and long for the day that we see our precious ones once again and stand before our King – forever.

    Like

  2. I do not like that you are feeling this way. I understand it is part of the path, because I have been on the path just like this one. My sons, still living were stolen from me..so I can relate to this in so many ways. Some days I am okay..and I hate that word..and some days I wish the bottom would drop out and I would be sucked out into space. I do not know what to say except stay with you even when you think you do not know you or you are lost. Yes you are his mother, yet you are also you and that person..this light filled being that you are has great purpose and is dearly loved. Take a break and try..it takes some space, but try to see what you need, want what can soothe the ache.

    Liked by 1 person

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