Still Put My Foot In It…

You’d think that being on the other side of untimely or even painful comments would shape my conversation so that I am not the one blurting out hurtful or thoughtless words.

Sadly, that’s not the case.

While I am much more careful about what I say and how and when I say it, I still put my foot in it on a regular basis.

I talk instead of listen-rushing ahead to share MY pain instead of sitting silently while someone else shares theirs.

I make comparisons instead of extending boundless compassion.

I focus too much on the words and not enough on the wordless communication of facial expression and body language.

I try to “fix” the problem or person instead of simply being present.

I overwhelm a hurting heart with too much information.  Even good information delivered from a firehose instead of a water fountain is unhelpful.

I interrupt, cut people off, turn away and shorten uncomfortable conversations.

I want to do better.

I want to be the safe space hurting hearts need.

I want to be full of grace and mercy and kindness.

I know I fall short, but I’m still learning.




Author: Melanie

I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.

5 thoughts on “Still Put My Foot In It…”

  1. I find myself unsure of what to say and repeating the same trite and meaningless phrases to those who are newly grieving. I even find myself anxious to go to funerals and I’m ashamed of myself. I was so grateful to the 300 or so people who attended my son’s funeral. It meant so much to our family that I vowed I would attend every funeral from now on. No more excuses and I have attended them, but I’m still sticking my foot in my mouth and I still don’t follow up with checking on people after the funeral. I will do better. I feel strongly that this is what I must do to help.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I don’t think we magically have better things to say just because we have been on the other side-what I try to do is simply say, “I’m so sorry. I love you. I’m praying for you.” If it is someone with whom I have a deeper relationship I may engage them further if they seeem like they want to talk-and I always end with, “I know you are hurting and may feel like no one understands. If you want someone to talk to, you can call anytime.”. I have only gone to funerals where I have a connection to the person who passed or to their kin. I still don’t go to funerals of more distant friends or others. I just can’t do it.


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