I’ve probaby heard the question a half-dozen times in the past three weeks as doctors or nurses were checking my mom’s mental function during her hospital stay: What year is it?
And every single time-even though I know full well that it is 2017-the answer makes me suck in my breath. Because, really, how has the world kept turning since Dominic left us?
How, how, how can it be nearly three and a half years since I talked to him, hugged him, heard his voice?
But it is.
And the further we get from that point in time when the world as I knew it came crashing down, the harder it is for people around me to remember that I continue to carry this load.
I’ve gotten stronger. I’ve developed ways to work around the grief most days and in most situations.
Still, I find daily tasks more challenging than before. Sadness sneaks up on me and tears leak from my eyes. Anxiety stalks my heart and sometimes catches it.
I get tired-so, so tired-because there is just no reserve.
I wish I could press the “pause” button and give myself a little break.
But time (and life!) marches on.
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thelifeididntchoose 
I look forward to your blog posts each and everyday. I have signed up for several of the private Facebook pages and I try myself to be as positive about losing our son, putting a hole forever in our hearts and our family, but at times the negativity is too much to take for me. Your view points are always almost spot on for how I am feeling and what I need to provide me that push to keep moving on. I am so very sorry for the loss of your Dominic and I wish none of us ever had to be a part of this “lifewedidn’tchoose”. Thank you for being willing to open your heart, mind and soul and share it with all of us. You are a true inspiration and I wanted to make sure you know that.
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It was at least 10 years before I started planned my future again after Ryan died. Even adding 2 more kids to the brood didn’t change my outlook. It comes back but the outlook is forever altered.
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So true. I was in a store the other week, which I avoid if at all possible, and out of the corner of my eye I saw a 2018 calendar displayed. My heart jumped a beat and my breath lurched. I literally couldn’t comprehend the date and I had to think hard on how it could be 2018 next year. I am still stuck in the year it happened.
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couldnt agree more – how dare the sun continue to rise – the AUDACITY!!!
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