Reality Check

I’ve struggled since the beginning of this journey to convey others the ongoing open-ended emptiness of burying a child.  

There is simply no way to fill the void left by my son’s leaving.  

No job, no hobby, no ministry, no person, no exercise regimen, dietary discipline or medical intervention can fix this pain.  

So when people think I will

“get over”,


“move past”

my son’s death,

they profoundly misunderstand my experience.  


Author: Melanie

I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.

10 thoughts on “Reality Check”

  1. I was told to get a hobby in the first year. it caught me by surprise. if someone said that to me now, I dont know how gracious I would be. I dont understand when people say such hurtful things. even before losing my Lydia, I would never say to someone the things people have said to me

    Liked by 1 person

    1. People gravely misunderstand child loss. Depending on their personal experience with loss they equate it with something from which you can be distracted. Obviously, they aren’t thinking clearly.

      That was a foolish statement and I’m with you-if someone suggested that to me, I wouldn’t be gracious at this point. ❤


    2. My life is forever changed by the death of my Son Jan. I’ve lost many family members…parents,sister,2 best friends, xhusband (Father to Son Jan and another Son).and I’ve come thru the hardest parts of my life but NOTHING compares to this emptiness that I feel every day in the pit of my stomach. It’s been 2 months since the accident n he passed on Jan 15,2021. I’m trying but it’s getting worse for me and my coping skills perty much in shreds n not sure what to do to help myself and my other Son. If anyone has any suggestions I need all the advice anyone can give,please answer back. THANKYOU so much…. Connie Davis


      1. Connie, if you are on Facebook, please consider joining the CLOSED group I created. Here’s the link: Only bereaved parents are there and it is so, so helpful to be able to “talk” to folks who understand.

        I am very sorry for your pain and loss. It does get worse before a heart can learn a little better how to walk in the world without her child. There are lots of posts here that can give you some insight and hope. Praying the Lord will wrap His loving arms around you today and everyday and that He will overwhelm your shattered heart with His grace and mercy. ❤


  2. My family was forever changed on April 22 when my beautiful niece was lost in a freak accident. I read your blogs and have found great comfort. You don’t speak much about what I called the second ring of grief, the part of the family that grieves not only loss of Erin but also the loss of who her parents and brother were. I always called my brother and sister in law Lucy and Desi. They were the life of every family gathering. They, along with Erin, left that day. I try so hard to educate myself on how to help them in every way that I can, but I miss them so much along with my niece. Can you speak to this issue? They are attending the conference in Hot Springs in October and you are on the program. So glad. Thank you.


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