I had no choice in child loss.
When Dominic first left us, it felt like I would never get to choose anything again-it felt like I would always be at the mercy of life just happening TO me.
But in these months and years since, I’ve found that I DO have choices.
I have many, many choices every. single. day.
I can choose bitterness or I can choose love.
I can choose blame or I can choose grace.
I can choose to isolate my wounded heart or I can choose to integrate my experience into who I am and invite others to join me on the journey.
I can choose to live in the past-which isn’t really living at all-or I can choose to face each new day and see what it has to offer.
I can choose to elevate my missing child so high that his siblings have no hope of measuring up or I can choose to remember the good AND the bad of who he was and how he walked in the world.
I can choose to complain about how others don’t understand or I can choose to educate them on what child loss feels like, how it impacts all aspects of my life and how it will be part of my experience until the day I join my son.
I can choose to be ashamed of my tears or I can choose to display them proudly as testimony of the love I have for my son.
I can choose to be upset that others fail to mention his name or I can choose to mention it myself, making him as natural a part of the conversation as my living children.
I can choose to ignore the way grief impacts my ability to do all the things I once did or I can choose to make wise accommodations for my limitations.
I can choose to close my heart to love and laughter or I can choose to honor Dominic by loving and laughing anyway.
I choose life.
Because as long as I breathe, I carry the light of Dominic’s life with mine.