Wise Choices in Grief

I had no choice in child loss.  

When Dominic first left us, it felt like I would never get to choose anything again-it felt like I would always be at the mercy of life just happening TO me. 

But in these months and years since, I’ve found that I DO have choices.

I have many, many choices every. single. day. 

I can choose bitterness or I can choose love.

heart and wood

I can choose blame or I can choose grace.

I can choose to isolate my wounded heart or I can choose to integrate my experience into who I am and invite others to join me on the journey.

I can choose to live in the past-which isn’t really living at all-or I can choose to face each new day and see what it has to offer.

I can choose to elevate my missing child so high that his siblings have no hope of measuring up or I can choose to remember the good AND the bad of who he was and how he walked in the world.

I can choose to complain about how others don’t understand or I can choose to educate them on what child loss feels like, how it impacts all aspects of my life and how it will be part of my experience until the day I join my son.

I can choose to be ashamed of my tears or I can choose to display them proudly as testimony of the love I have for my son.

never ashamed of tears dickens

I can choose to be upset that others fail to mention his name or I can choose to mention it myself, making him as natural a part of the conversation as my living children.

I can choose to ignore the way grief impacts my ability to do all the things I once did or I can choose to make wise accommodations for my limitations.

I can choose to close my heart to love and laughter or I can choose to honor Dominic by loving and laughing anyway.

I choose life. 

Because as long as I breathe, I carry the light of Dominic’s life with mine.

dom looking up with camera

Author: Melanie

I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.

11 thoughts on “Wise Choices in Grief”

  1. I so understand the choices you speak of. I know that no two experiences of loss are the same, but we who share the loss of a child do have an inkling of your world. I am really encouraged by your choice to “choose life.”

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I appreciate the words of encouragement. It helps my heart to know that sharing is making a difference to someone else. It’s a small way to redeem the pain. ❤


  2. Thank you for this Melanie, it is a timely reminder. The first year many of these choices were genuinely beyond my strength, but that is slowly starting to change. I find I have some choices now. In my pride I want to wrap myself up in hurt and hold on to unforgivness, bitterness, and self-protection. But this has consequences. I appreciate you and some others who continually paint a picture that reminds me there is beauty in letting go and choosing to love.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Bless you dear heart! It IS hard to make these choices and they do not come all at once or even only once. It takes time to do the work grief requires. You are brave and you are trying. That’s what matters. May the Lord honor your heart by overwhelming you with His love, grace and mercy. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

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