What’s Changed, What’s The Same Six Years Down The Road Of Child Loss?

What’s changed and what is still the same six years down the road of child loss?

I’ve thought about this a lot in the past few months as I prepared for, greeted and marked another year of unwelcome milestones since Dominic ran ahead to Heaven.

Some things are exactly the same:

  • Whenever I focus solely on his absence, my heart still cries, “Can he REALLY be gone?” I am STILL A Mess Some Days….
  • The pain is precisely as painful as the moment I got the news.
  • It’s just as horrific today to dwell on the manner of his leaving.
  • I miss him, I miss him, I miss him. I live every day with his Tangible Absence.
  • I am thankful for his life, for the opportunity to be his mama and for the part of me shaped by who he was.
  • The absolute weight of grief has not changed. The burden remains a heavy one.
  • Daily choices are the difference between giving up and going on. I have to make Wise Choices in Grief.
  • My faith in Christ and my confidence that His promises are sure is the strength on which I rely. I have been Knocked Down But Not Destroyed.
  • I passionately look forward to the culmination of all history when every sad thing will come untrue.

Some things are very different:

  • Dominic’s absence is no longer all I see.
  • Sorrow and pain are no longer all I feel.
  • I’ve learned to live in spite of the hole in my heart-his unique place isn’t threatened by allowing myself to love others and pouring my life into the people I have left.
  • Joy and sorrow are not mutually exclusive. They live together in my heart and I can smile and laugh again while still pining for a time when things were different and easier.
  • I am Stronger because I’ve carried this burden for years. I’ve learned to shift it from side to side.
  • The darkness has receded so that I see light once more. I’m not as prone to fall as fast down the dark hole of despair.
  • My heart longs for reunion but has also learned to treasure the time I have left here on earth.

I’ve never hidden the struggle and pain of this journey.

But I don’t want those who are fresh in grief to think that how they are feeling TODAY is the way they will feel FOREVER.

By doing the work grief requires, making wise choices and holding onto hope a heart does begin to heal.

I am not as fragile today as I was on the first day.

And I am so, so thankful for that.

Author: Melanie

I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.

13 thoughts on “What’s Changed, What’s The Same Six Years Down The Road Of Child Loss?”

  1. I like what you said about pouring life into the others you have left. I am sorry for your loss. I recently lost my five year old daughter, and Wednesday will mark five weeks. Thank you for sharing your journey.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you it’s been the hardest six months since my daughter Jasmine died from a overdose of fentnyl I died with her that day and nothing will ever be the same some days I can’t go on some days I force myself to go on your thoughts are appreciated thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Thank you Melanie for so beautifully articulating your feelings, which are mine as well. Prayers that all of us can find peace in our journeys.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Sandra, all things are possible for God. My son Luke also took his own life. There is one thing I am sure of and that is that Lydia and Luke were God’s children before they were ours and he loves all his children – they belong to Him ❤

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  5. I am not stuck. I hate that saying. the devastating pain is the same as the day my Lydia took her life. I now deal with high anxiety and PTS symptoms. I dont have the peace of seeing her again. she didnt believe in God so I will never see her again

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sandra, do not lose hope only God knows your daughters heart. God wants all to be with him so who knows what her last thought was before she passed ? She may have had a conscious thought of accepting the Lord as her Savior from something you said to her years before.Id ask the Lord to give you peace about your daughter’s Salvation even the most hardened hearts have a chance to accept the gift of Grace 🙏

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  6. Thanks Melanie, for your honesty, authenticity and willingness to share the HARD things, even at the risk of being considered “stuck”. You are so right. Those things ARE the same and will probably always be so until I get to hold my girl in my arms again. The missing never, ever goes away, not for a minute. And if I let myself think about it (which i deliberately try to limit) then the unreality and absolute horror of my precious daughter being gone for the rest of my life is simply unbearable.
    I choose to live my remaining days as bravely she I can,trying to bring what good I can to this broken world and finding joy in simple things and in people, but the longing for Heaven is strong. One day…….

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Thank you Melanie. We just past the 5 yr mark since Dana “ran to heaven”.
    All you express is true. This year is brighter, the daily grief less just as you have said. The two emmotions live side by side, and it is okay and if grief leaks out on a hard day, so be it.
    Your writings have kept me sane and moving forward.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Thank you once again for writing what I feel. I want to print this and hand it to people who ask how I am because I can never seem to say anything but “I’m doing fine”

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I don’t know if you’ve personally experienced child loss but none of the things I listed as being the same are uncommon for bereaved parents to experience until the day they die. The unfathomable horror of out of order death (especially if it is sudden, stigmatized and/or traumatic in some way) never goes away.

      I think the best most parents can do is find a way to think about it and live with it that makes space for other things and people in the years they have left. For me, that’s included sharing my story and being honest about all of it-the good, the bad, the joy and the pain. ❤

      Liked by 3 people

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