Chronic: Continuing, Ceaseless, Unabating

Chronic:  (of a problem) long-lasting and difficult to eradicate.
Synonyms:  constant, continuing, ceaseless, unabating, unending, persistent, long-lasting, severe, serious, grave, dire

If you’ve followed the blog for long, you know I have Rheumatoid Arthritis.  What you may not know is that it is not at all like the arthritis most people experience as they age.  Instead of a gradual wearing out of joints due to use and, sometimes, injury, RA is the result of my body attacking itself.

I was 44 when diagnosed after both ankles suddenly swelled so that I could barely walk. 

I’ve been living with it for over ten years. 

It’s a chronic disease.  It can be treated with greater or lesser success to modify and mediate symptoms, but it is always, always, always there.  And it affects every aspect of my life-from getting dressed to driving a car.

I find that most folks just don’t understand that.  

We are used to getting sick, going to the doctor and being prescribed a drug or treatment or even surgery and getting well (after some period of time).

But some things can’t be “fixed” and must simply be “managed” and endured.

endurance is patience concentrated

Child loss is like that.  

It cannot be fixed. 

It cannot be healed. 

It cannot be undone or ignored or sequestered so that it doesn’t impact daily life.

And that is hard for people to understand if they’ve never dealt with a chronic illness or other circumstance that defies remedy.

Every morning I walk down my stairs one step at a time like a toddler because my joints are too stiff to bend until I’ve been up for a few hours-that’s how I have to accommodate my arthritis.

Every morning I sit in my rocking chair and journal and talk to other bereaved parents before daybreak-that’s how I have to accommodate my grief.

Neither of these conditions is a choice.  

Each of them happened TO me-not because of anything I did or did not do.

And they are life-long.  




grief and pain and forever

Author: Melanie

I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.

7 thoughts on “Chronic: Continuing, Ceaseless, Unabating”

  1. I wish with all my heart you did not have to carry the creasless pain of RA and the ceaseless heartache of being without Dominic. I am in no doubt that grief will have impacted on your RA. I have found is so with OA.
    May God grant you more respite days to help your hurting heart ❤❤❤

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I recently was introduced to your blog by a friend. I’m so glad she did. You are so spot on with our lives as bereaved parents. I have the daily struggle of regular arthritis and walk worse than a toddler when I get up. Recently my husband & daughter were looking for me in at a beach where i had changed clothes so they didn’t know what I was wearing. My husband asked if a person walking was me and my daughter said, “No, she isn’t limping like mom.” BTW, it was me 🙂 My joints had just been loosened up!

    Anyhow, I digress. Thank you for sharing you words. I have been using them to also encourage others. Have a blessed day and until we meet our kids again at the feet of Jesus.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Melanie, I’m so sorry you have RA. I did not realize that. It was not noticeable, when I saw you speak at the Through This Valley Conference. You’re right most people don’t realize how RA affects every aspect of your life. My Dad had it for many years and it was hard to watch him struggle. I guess it is just like child loss, you never get a break from it. You may have some days that are better, but it is always painfully there. I’m so sorry you have to struggle with RA also.


    1. Thank you Mary- there are days when it barely affects me other than lack of stamina and an inability to do small buttons, take stairs or lift heavy cups.

      And then some days…just like child loss it can be overwhelming.

      I appreciate your kind words and prayers. May we all endure and finish well.

      Until He calls us Home. ❤️


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