I’ve been doing this for a bit over four years now.
I’m pretty good at it in many ways-I’ve developed standard answers to common questions, figured out ways to keep my mouth shut when no answer I can think of is appropriate (literally biting my tongue), learned how to squelch tears and swallow sobs in public spaces, and (usually) how to avoid major triggers.
But navigating this territory is still exhausting.
Because every. single. day. I have to make choices and make changes so I’m not overwhelmed and incapacitated by grief.
And that takes a lot of energy. Energy that’s not available for other things.
Yet the world marches on and my responsibilities remain.
It’s no wonder I flop in bed exhausted every night.
I wrote this a couple years ago and it explains it well:
One of the things I’ve been forced to embrace in the wake of child loss is that there are very few questions, experiences or feelings that are simple anymore.
“How many children do you have?”
A common, get-to-know-you question lobbed across tables, down pews and in the check-out line at the grocery store. But for many bereaved parents, it can be a complex question that gets a different answer depending on who is asking and where we are.
Read the rest here: It’s Complicated