Sorry I Haven’t Texted Back

I remember the early days after Dominic ran ahead to Heaven when people were still checking in often on our family.

Some days there were a dozen or more messages that really, really needed an answer.

But I just couldn’t.

“How are you?” is often a more difficult question than you might think when your world is falling apart.

I wanted to tell the truth about how hard the days were and harder still the long dark nights but it felt too personal, too frightening and too likely to be misunderstood by a heart with no frame of reference.

So most of my responses looked something like this:

Eventually I found out who the safe people were and began to share more openly.

The others-the ones who weren’t safe or who were only asking out of a sense of curiosity or obligation-simply stopped asking when they didn’t get the answers they were looking for.

I Hate Nosey People (@IHateNoseyPeeps) | Twitter

I’ve learned to give hurting hearts space.

I give them permission NOT to answer.

I want them to know I care but I don’t ask penetrating questions that might require answers they aren’t prepared to give.

Because I remember how that felt. ❤

Author: Melanie

I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.

3 thoughts on “Sorry I Haven’t Texted Back”

  1. Exactly how I felt!! The one person I thought I could open up to showed her true colours by an argument one day 3 and a half years ago, instigated by her daughter which led me to see Red, I just lost it and I was fuming, too much of a long story but after biting my lip for 30 years my husband and I suffered enough torment! My sister in law decided to shout at me down the phone at how miserable I am and how longed faced I’d become. WTF!!!!
    I have become to realise since then that maybe she was thinking I would bounce back to my happy bubbly self that I once was before my Son’s diagnosis and horrible death 4 years later. I have also come to terms that anyone who hasn’t endured child loss, has absolutely no idea! but then again nor did I until the worst ever happened to us, but to be so judgmental of me also hurt inside, but my pain for my child was much greater to care what she thought any longer.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I think it’s helpful and healthy to distance ourselves from people that prove they are unsafe. I do agree with you though that she probably did figure you’d “bounce back” mainly out of ignorance of the devastation of child loss.

      I’ve had to distance myself as well from some folks. I try hard not to allow ill feelings to take over my heart. I can have boundaries without being bitter.

      So very sorry for your pain and your loss. May you feel the Father’s loving arms around you and may He overwhelm your heart with His grace and mercy. ❤


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