A List of What Helps and What Hurts

I originally shared this post when I was only a bit past two years into life after loss. It’s still a pretty good list of what helps and what hurts my heart.

The only thing that I’d say NOW versus THEN is this: Most days are better days (seven years down the road) than hard ones. Oh, there are still terrible, terrible days when grief washes over me like a flood. But many, many days include joy, laughter, a renewed sense of purpose and lots and lots of love.

I’m so thankful for God’s mercy and grace and for His steadfast love. Without that-without Him-I would not have made it this far.

❤ Melanie

I am committed to continue to trust Jesus and to look to the Word of God for my hope and direction in this life and in the one to come.

I speak truth to my heart through Scripture, worship songs, testimonies of others who have gone before and by remaining in community with other believers.

But I’ve yet to reach the place where I can plan on most days being better days rather than hard ones.

I’m trying.

And I’m working to tease out the influences that make a difference-both the ones that help and the ones that hurt.

So here’s the list so far:

Read the rest here: What Helps and What Hurts

Author: Melanie

I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.

3 thoughts on “A List of What Helps and What Hurts”

  1. This is so true. It’s so hard to see friends abandon your living children too…but not everyone can handle the trauma or understand the prolonged grief even for siblings. But God… I just remind her to be thankful for the times that God gave them together and pray they never experience the same trauma. I’m sure they feel like it’s wasting time to continue to hang out with someone who is questioning everything or experiencing depression. I get it. Never want others to feel guilted into being a friend. Any advice?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m not sure there is any way to help friends choose to stay instead of running away. Our family has found that the circle of people we talk to regularly and most certainly those in which we confide our deepest feelings is very small.

      Depending on the age of your surviving child(ren), you might be able to talk to one of her friends and tell them how very special and helpful it is when they (the friend) chooses just to hang out. Companionship is often what we need most.

      If your child(ren) is younger (<12) you might be able to ask a school counselor or other trusted adult in her life to purpose to spend more time with her. It doesn't necessarily have to be a peer.

      Praying that the Lord brings safe friends into your children's lives and that He fills their hearts with grace and strength so that they may hold onto hope. ❤


      1. Thank you, Melanie. My daughter is 21. She’s on a college campus where many of her former friends attend. They will speak to her if they see her but never reach out to her. I know it’s hard to be her friend. They were there when her brother was killed in 2017, but 4 years later and they have disappeared. I think social media makes it so much worse. I’ve tried to convince her to quit looking at it. I appreciate your advice. Prayer and hope is Jesus is what gets us through.


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