A few days ago I wrote about how panic is always just a breath away for those of us who have suffered loss.
Like a friend of mine recently said, “We are branded. GRIEF is burned into our hearts and we are never the same.”
So how to live this altered life?
How can I manage that emotional tension that saps energy and strength from my heart, mind and body?
Our family has adopted some practical protocols that help.
Read the rest here: https://thelifeididntchoose.com/2019/01/08/practical-protocols-to-mitigate-panic-after-loss/
Even though I got the news from a knock on the door and not a phone call, ever since Dominic’s accident I sleep with my home phone and cell phone next to the bed-I have to be absolutely, utterly reachable.
There have only been a couple times since he left us that they have rung in the dark of night or early morning, but each time my heart is jolted into overdrive and I cannot go back to sleep.
Yesterday morning I received a series of three (obviously wrong number!) calls around 2:15 a.m.
It was a fax machine-probably auto-dialed-and oh, so annoying because I didn’t even have the satisfaction of calling them back and fussing about their lack of courtesy and bad timing.
The only good thing about it was that the *beep*beep*beep* on the other end told me instantly it was not an emergency call from a family member.
I tried to go back to sleep.
I used all the tips and tricks I’ve learned in these four years to calm my heart and distract my thoughts. The two cats that sleep with me worked their magic and together tried to purr me back to sleep.
It was a no-go.
So I got up and came downstairs. Made the coffee, made the rounds and dropped feed in bowls inside and outside.
Sat down and started writing.
I do love writing in the wee hours of the morning-my mind is clearer and less prone to distraction.
But I hate rude awakenings.
It will take half the morning for the adrenaline to work its way out of my system and I’ll be dragging this afternoon just when I need to get things done.
I used to be able to roll over and go back to sleep no matter what woke me in the middle of the night.