These thoughts first came to me a few months ago–and since then I felt like I had “progressed” in my grief journey and left anxiety behind. But for a number of reasons, this past week found me crushed beneath the weight of sorrow and pain and I felt vulnerable and defeated.
I had to redouble my efforts to resist the enemy and stand firm in the truth that Christ is victorious.
And I was reminded again that this will be a battle I fight as long as I live…
Grief doesn’t travel alone, it brings anxiety along for the ride.
I live by the mantra, “Don’t borrow trouble from tomorrow!” and I don’t struggle to fend off worry.
But this vague feeling of impending doom that follows grief is invasive and pervasive and relentless. I can’t stop it, find its edges or outrun it.
If I could just pin it down, I’d toss it out…
I have never been in combat but I am daily doing battle. The enemy of my soul wants me to give in and give up. So I push back, dig in and soldier on.
I am worn out and worn down.
This is the hardest work I have ever done. No breaks, no vacations, no time-outs or pauses. And no forward progress.
BUT I REFUSE TO GIVE UP GROUND.
My struggle is not against flesh and blood and my weapons are not physical. The only hope I have is to remain rooted in the Word of God and to cling to this truth:
Therefore, put on the complete armor of God,
so that you will be able to [successfully] resist and stand your ground in the evil day [of danger],
and having done everything [that the crisis demands],
to stand firm [in our place, fully prepared, immovable, victorious].
Ephesians 6:13 AMP