It Ain’t Over Til It’s Over

I hear you, mama.  That baby toddling away from the security of your arms-you miss those close snuggles and slobbery kisses.  But he’s not really LEAVING, he’s just growing.

cartoon baby

I know, I know.

First day of school blues.

Where did the time go?  How can you drop that little girl off at the front door and trust that her teacher will take care of her as well as mom?  She’s getting older, but she isn’t outside your influence.

cartoon male graduate

Oh my goodness!! Already graduating high school?  Moving out and going to college!  No more daily chats face-to-face across the kitchen table.  No more late night confession sessions.

He’s a young man, pulling away, making big decisions without you, but he’ll be home for Christmas and summer vacation.



For all you mamas lamenting the passage of time and the upheavals it brings I have a word: It’s NOT over.

Your child is still within reach.  You can call or text or visit.  You can touch his face, hug her neck, hear his voice.

Life is changing but it is still LIFE.

Feeling a little nostalgic for what WAS is perfectly normal.  Most of us humans aren’t that fond of change.

But children are ours for a season, not forever.  

They are given to us as gifts, not possessions.

For some mamas, like me, it really IS over.

The son I brought home from the hospital, the boy I watched grow and mature into a young man, the confident college graduate I saw drive away to start law school-he is gone.

I can’t call or text or visit him.

I can’t forge a different kind of  relationship across the miles or make special arrangements for him to travel home for the holidays.

I can’t make new memories or take new photographs.  I can’t hug his neck or hear his voice.

So it’s OK to feel a little sad that things are changing.  It’s like moving furniture around in the room-you stub your toe in the dark because things aren’t where they used to be.  

But for me, it’s like the house has burned down.

I felt a pinch in my heart every now and then as my children grew and more and more of their lives were spent away from me.  But I also celebrated each milestone, made much (and still do) of each achievement.

I didn’t want them to be frozen in time, stuck on a shelf, kept “small”.

Enjoy the time you have with your babies, with your children, with your teens-embrace the growing independent persons they are becoming.  

As long as they are walking the earth with you, nothing is OVER,  it’s just the beginning of something new.   

caterpillar thought it was over





Author: Melanie

I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.

7 thoughts on “It Ain’t Over Til It’s Over”

  1. Oh, the tears are falling….what I wouldn’t give to hug my son’s neck, smell his smell, hear his voice, his laugh. The missing him never gets easier.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I had to read this a few times Melanie to absorb it – you write so well – Leah would have been due to finish school this year and would probably have been heading off to University.
    Our eldest has just finished University in Belfast and is moving to England this month and that is also heart-wrenching. This time next year our son will be packing his bags too.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. All of these transitions are hard, Vicky. When Dom died I had two besides him in grad school living away from home, one about to be married and moving hundreds of miles away. After a houseful of people it had been a challenge already. Now my house is quiet and that adds its own layer to grieving Dominic. I’ll be praying for you and all these changes.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Wow, this fits me perfectly too. My youngest graduates in less than a week without her oldest brother by her side. We lost him last year to a tragic accident. Hearing and seeing all these parents post that they are “losing” their babies fly’s in the face of what we have lost. Thanks for posting this as it is dead on right and those who don’t understand may just get a glimpse of what they really do have in front of them if they will just open their eyes.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah-it can be just as trying a “season” as Thanksgiving/Christmas. I want to be gentle to those who don’t share our perspective but hope, like you, they can see these are only transitions, not endings. Praying for your family.

      Liked by 2 people

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