Time and Time Again

Since Dominic ran ahead to heaven we have celebrated four graduations and a wedding.

Wednesday night was another one.  My daughter, Fiona, graduated nursing school.

We are so excited for her!

fiona grad jumping

And, as usual, our family rallied round, pitched in, showed up and made a great fuss over the accomplishment.

It was beautiful and hard all at the same time.

Because time and time again we join hands and hearts to celebrate an achievement, a milestone, a special moment or a holiday and there is always, always, always one missing.

Every photo is just slightly askew- one daughter, three two sons.

family fionas grad (2)

We’ve gotten good at closing ranks, squeezing out the space where he should be standing.  But our hearts mark the gap.

Our hearts will always mark the gap.

I am much better now at actually enjoying these things-I love the way my daughter’s friends surround and encourage her, I laughed at the antics of the children that enjoyed running from adult to adult, getting more attention than they knew what to do with.  I sat and listened with great pride as Fiona gave the closing remarks to her graduating class, drawing from a deep well of wisdom that includes heartache as well as hallelujahs.

And it was all good.  Really, truly  good.

But you have to go home eventually.

Hugging necks and saying “good-bye” is when it always hits me-I hug harder, cling longer, make sure to whisper not only “I love you” but everything I need to say-just in case.

And grown children text their mama so she knows they are safely home.

Dominic’s legacy is this:  We never miss a chance to celebrate one another.

We cling to the good and try to let go of the bad.

We love fiercely and openly and are not ashamed for one minute of our tears or our laughter.

Because you never know.

love the ones god gave you


Author: Melanie

I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.

9 thoughts on “Time and Time Again”

  1. I am new to your blog and new to this life without my son. It will be 8 weeks since he died at 29 in a car accident. He was to be married on New Years Eve. We are white knuckling it through these holidays with heartache and dread but also with hope and knowledge we will be with him again some day. I’m not quite sure I even know what has happened…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh, Lynn! I am so, so sorry for your pain and your loss! The only think you CAN do for these next weeks and months is to white knuckle it-I’m pretty sure that’s how all of us make it through the first year, at least.

      If you go back through my blog posts you will read that we had my youngest son’s college graduation just 5 days after we buried Dom. My oldest son graduated vet school less than a month from the accident. And then he was married 2 months to the day after we buried his brother. Two days after that was my 30th wedding anniversary. I was in the hospital 4 days after that.

      I had made it through but at great cost. You do exactly what is best for you and your family. Don’t let anyone push you or pull you further or faster than your heart can go.

      Praying that the Lord gives you strength for each day and that He overwhelms your broken heart with HIs love, grace and mercy. ❤


  2. An incredibly “right on” post. As the holidays are upon us, I miss my son as much as ever & sometimes more This is our 8th Christmas since he died. May we remember to take care of ourselves with intention & grab the joy where we can. Here’s to all our kids!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Jane,

      Yes! We will always miss them. No one, nothing can fill that hole in our hearts that belongs to our child(ren). I, too, pray that each hurting heart finds a path through these emotion-packed days. And may we be as gentle and gracious to ourselves as we are to others. ❤


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