How Transparent Should I Be When Sharing?

I am committed to authenticity but I am also committed to my own privacy and the privacy of my family.

So while I share freely here and in other places, I don’t share everything.

Sometimes I withhold because it’s not my story to tell.  Sometimes it’s because I can’t tell it without harming or defaming others.  And sometimes I don’t bare all because I just can’t weather other people’s reactions to what I have to say.

But for the most part, I’m pretty transparent.  Because secrets don’t serve anyone well.  

If I pretend to be stronger than I really am, I hide the truth that it is Christ in me that gives me strength.

If I don’t admit that certain words or actions hurt my heart, I enable thoughtless behavior.

If I only parrot “Sunday School” answers when someone asks about my faith in relation to my loss, then I silence other hearts wrestling with questions and pain in light of God’s sovereignty and love.

If I hide my tears, my pain, the missing then I minimize this great loss, And I will not make losing Dominic small.


But if I am honest about my feelings,

honest about my weakness,

honest about what helps and what hurts,

then I can redeem part of this pain.

I can use it to make space for other hurting hearts.

Transparent is hard because it makes me vulnerable.  

But transparent is good because it makes my pain useful.

I didn’t choose this life, but I won’t waste it.  

brene brown vulnerablity sounds like truth

Author: Melanie

I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.

7 thoughts on “How Transparent Should I Be When Sharing?”

  1. Tomorrow 12/29 my son Ryan would be 26, he died a little less than 2 months before his 23rd birthday, so this is his 3rd birthday without him here, he has a daughter who just turned 4. I have a very hard time sharing anything with anyone and it is lonely, but the reactions and comments are usually hurtful so I just can’t anymore! At least you have another child…at least he had a daughter who is still here with you… other people have lost so much more…I’m too tired to share or care anymore. I have just accepted that this is my burden to bear, only Jesus knows and understands and I think for me that is all that matters. I love your posts Melanie, they are more helpful than anything else other than knowing that my God is with me through all of it.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I have struggled with this for years. I worry about oversharing, and making others uncomfortabe. Other times when I’m asked if I have children, I just answer “No” because to answer my truth means revisiting the pain. What your post reminds me, is that anything other than the truth hurts me, and I need to not take on the responsibility of how others feel. Thank you for sharing.


  3. Tomorrow is the 2nd anniversary of my son Jeff’s death. It is so very hard, the pain never lessens. Melanie, your words today are a great comfort. Your “realness” has helped my husband and me keep going. Today I am crawling. Taking the day off work tomorrow. Not sure if I will do anything, but I will be authentic. Melanie, may God give you comfrt knowing how He has used you to comfort me. Oh, I miss him so💛💙

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Praying for you on this especially difficult day. Time can feel like the enemy-dragging me forward away from the last moment I hugged Dominic. But I try to remember that it is also pushing me closer to our reunion. It doesn’t always help my heart even though it’s true. ❤


  4. Knowing your pain, knowing my pain, knowing Jesus wept, knowing we all weep at a loved ones death full fills the verses of 2 Corinthians chapter 1. We find strength together thru each other and Christ. Thank you for your words today.

    Liked by 2 people

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