It’s My Story and I’ll Cry If I Want To

I don’t cry nearly as much as I used to.

That kind of bothers me.

I don’t know if I’m just not as sad or if I’ve just used up most of my tears.

I think it’s a bit of both.

I DO still cry.  And I try hard to remember that I do not need to be ashamed of my tears.  I don’t need to apologize for them-even if they make some folks uncomfortable.

Because, gee whiz(!), if  YOU are uncomfortable watching me cry, how uncomfortable do you think I am that I risk crying in public?

Weeping is NOT something which Christians are not supposed to do or to feel. Hot tears sliding down our cheeks, salty in the corner of our lips, is not a wrong thing to feel as part of our experience of life. It is only when the final enemy is destroyed and the last victory is won that all tears are to be wiped away. Until then we are meant to weep with those who weep, as well as to rejoice with those who rejoice … It is God who will wipe away all tears.

~Edith Schaeffer, Affliction

Sometimes I wish I could cry more.  I wish I could still get the release that sobs secured early on in this journey.

Now the aching sorrow seeps deep into my bones and settles in the marrow only to be freed when my body joins Dominic’s in the ground.

The truth is, I still hurt.

The tears are always near the surface but I can’t always let them flow.

I need to cry. 

I need to bear witness to this ongoing grief and give vent to the deep pain that my heart carries every. single. day.

I find it remarkable that even though Jesus himself mourned with tears, many within the Christian community set their jaw in opposition to this practice of ‘godly mourning and weeping.’ In our culture, we seem to have lost the significant practice of mourning and weeping. This lack has taken a toll on us physically, emotionally, and spiritually … Waiting and weeping go hand-in-hand.
~Jan Frank, A Graceful Waiting

I’m waiting for the day my tears will be redeemed.  Waiting for the restoration of what the enemy has stolen.  Waiting for faith to become sight.  


Holding on.

Offering my tears as testimony to both my sorrow and my hope.  

God not only knows your tears, but He records them and retains them? Why? So that one day He may transform them into gems of joy and glory. No tears are ever wasted when you follow Him.

~Warren Wiersbe, With the Word

Author: Melanie

I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.

6 thoughts on “It’s My Story and I’ll Cry If I Want To”

  1. it was 6 years ago january 20 2016 that my Lydia took her life. I still cry everyday and there are many days that i cant wait until the day I get to die to be out of this unbearable pain. as I have said before, my Lydia did not believe in God and wasnt living for him, so I will never see her again.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. oh you are so good at putting our feelings into words. thank you.
    I think sometimes my lack of tears after 18 months of grieving over my dear grandson, is putting a hard shell on my outside but, like you said, seeping deep into my saddened soul. Every day, I relive some part of his tragedy, but have stopped with the tears most days. then, suddenly, at the odd, inconvenient time, I will lose it. And it is cleansing.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I totally agree with vjrx’s words. This gives me comfort and hope, strengthens my Faith and brings me some solace. I look forward to these communications every time I go onto my computer. God bless you all! Marcy


  4. Thank you.
    Thank you for helping me put my grief into words.
    Thank you for helping me mix faith and child loss.
    Thank you for not sugar coating, but mixing the heartbreak with Hope.
    Thank you for your ministry. I’m so sorry that we need it at all.
    Thank you for helping me hang on to my faith and my Hope, when sometimes I near exhaustion and defeat.
    Thank you.

    Liked by 2 people

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: