Hard Stops: When You Can’t Ignore the Missing

Most of the time I’m just kind of rolling along.

There are things to do, places to go, people to see, animals to feed.

I get up, get going and get on with it.

But there are some days that are what I call “Hard Stops” on this journey.  They are the days that force my heart to take special notice of the fact that Dominic isn’t here.

Sometimes they are milestone days like birthdays or holidays or the anniversary of that awful knock on the door.

Sometimes they are events where he should be there-like seeing his brother one more time before he deploys half-way around the world.

These days make my heart measure the time since I last hugged his neck, heard his voice, saw his strong, square hands reach across the table for the salt shaker-and I am overcome with how long it has been!

Then my heart shifts to the months and likely years I will have to live with this aching empty place where he should be but isn’t and I fear I just can’t do it!

Many days I’m able to distract myself from the sorrow and to live with the missing.

But these “hard stop” days force me to face it head on. and it is overwhelming. 

Every. Time.

So what do I do? 

When my heart is overwhelmed, I take it to the Rock that is higher than I.  

rock that is higher than i

I run to the Refuge of my Faithful Father.  

sing of strength you are my refuge

I turn my eyes to my Savior Who will redeem and restore.

restore after season of suffering

I put my hand firmly in the hand of my Shepherd Who will not leave me in this Valley of the Shadow of Death.  

jesus the shepherd the i am

And I pray for myself-and every heart having a hard time holding onto hope today-that we will feel the Father’s loving arms around us and that He will give us strength to stand.  ❤

Author: Melanie

I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.

9 thoughts on “Hard Stops: When You Can’t Ignore the Missing”

  1. Some days start out great, and then take a turn when my mind is left to go wandering 😦 Almost 6 months since I lost my youngest son Chris, age 19. Some days I feel like I cannot go on like this everyday for the rest of my life, but knowing how hard this grief is on me, I could never put this upon the rest of family if I were gone. Day by day, step by step!

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  2. Everyday is such a struggle. It has been 14 months since my daughter passed due to overdose. She left two beautiful children. I grieve for myself and them. I go to her 11 years football game and cry the whole time thinking how she loved to watch him play. She is the first thing I think of in the morning and go to sleep at night thinking of her. The hurt is so great.

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  4. The motions of each day are mundane. Tasks that need to done and checked off a list. So many hard stops lately. Yesterday, marked 30 days since my son passed away. 30 days since I hugged him and talked to him. I miss him every second and wonder how I will be able to live the rest of my life without him. My first counseling appointment is tomorrow.

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  5. Pingback: Hard Stop Days: When You Can’t Ignore the Missing – thelifeididntchoose

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